Thursday, November 02, 2006

TIGF!!!(That's Incredibly Gay Friday): Men in tights

What can I say? How's about, Ta Da!!! Behold, manly men in pink tights and tutus. I've watched my share of Nutcracker Suites in my lifetime and let's just say that I was a stupid kid that didn't want to be left home alone with his crazy grandma. Yes, it had nothing to do with the fact that I really, really, liked it.

Ballet is one of those things that a man of a certain callousness, and gravelly fortitude, should never admit to liking. But, I have often wondered about the pleasures of what my friend, Ignacio, calls "stretchy pants".

Do they ride up pleasurably, or is it just plain uncomfortable? What about glide factor: Is there a significant reduction in friction, and if so, is it worth the humiliation? What color will bring out the contours of my thigh muscles more, pink or white?

It seems that it is context specific: retaining your manhood whilst wearing tights.

For example...

The Blue Demon! While he is now deceased, you still can't mess with this guy. He will actually come down from Luchadore Heaven and pile-drive your ass till your eyes pop out. He has a rep to protect. Don't be dissing his stretchy pants, or he'll throw in a figure four leg lock after flying from the top rope into you like a freaking condor getting his carrion. But, take note of this: He wears a mask. This is smart, because this accentuates his sexy and his ferocity. Oh yes, you heard me: The sexy!

Want proof that luchadores are truly magnificent men, who both are fully hetero, manly-man, and mui TIGF??? Check this out right here, bro...

Oh, how he triumphs sexually. Is it the man? No! It is the stretchy things!!!

Want further proof that stretchy things can be paradoxically manly and TIGF? Sure, I'll give you shortcakes something to put between your ears and legs. Get a load of this guy here...

Yeah, it's none other than Robin Hood himself. Not many that have messed with this guy have been able to keep their bags of gold, afterward. If you want an idea of just how important Robin Hood is just ask the poor. Ask the ladies, too. Remember, this guy here was the best, and sexiest one, to don the green tights:

Ladies, can you feel the Errol?

As for me, the only stretchy pants that I have been able to pull off...that didn't sound right. I mean, what looked good on me, were football pants and ski pants that were flared for the boots (ah, the 80's and my Roffe ski gear). I do have pair of bike shorts, but take it easy. I don't do requests.

So, all of you men, it is okay to wear the tights. As my friend Ignacio says, "Sometimes, when a man is alone in his room, he likes to put on a-stretchy pants". Just make sure you are engaged in the appropriate ass-kicking activities, and all will be forgiven.


cash said...

My gaydar was going off all over the place here.

Ballet = gay
But it's the Nutcracker = not gay
Blue Demon = gay
Blue Demon comic book = not gay
Carl Elwes = not gay
BIG shirtless Errol Flynn = gay
Football AND ski pants = gay

Sorry, my friend, gay wins 4-3.
You're a 'mo.*

*not that there's anything wrong with that.

Outdoorsy Girl said...

LOL at this entire post! God only knows how many times I watched Men in Tights because I was in love with Cary Elwes...even though he did look totally gay in tights!

That's true love, I tell you!

cindra said...

Sorry, Grunty. Nope. they just don't do it for me. None of em'. NO STRETCHY THINGS. Especially not speedos.

Jules said...

I like to dream about men in tights... but is the revealing nature of them that gets me all revved up! LOL

Sun Follower said...

George Clooney in tights as Batman = hot.

The Grunt said...

Where is everybody???

Cash~ Gay is as gay does. That's something I learned from Mr. Gump.

O-girl~ Don't make me wear the scarf.

Cindra~ I'm sure that stretchy things are not an across the board sexy item.

Jules~ I forget the movie with Chevy Chase and Goldie Hawn, but it had a male ballet dancer who's crotch blew up to enormous porportions. Something like that would be right up your alley.

Sun~ I don't know how that one slipped my mind. Good one.

Always on the Move said...

*YUMMY* Men in tights! Don't see it very often, but it IS a lot of fun, when you do see it! A moose Knuckle is even better! LOL! :oP
(yikes actually).
Loved your blog today! I'm glad that I checked it out!

Logophile said...

Errol could totally take that freaky Blue Demon guy, as long as he had his sword.
And he is way cuter too.

Karyn said...

I'm with Sun. YUM. See also, Baryshnikov.

Elsewise, kind of meh. Some tights feel funky to the touch. You must proceed carefully. Also, those with muscular legs may find there is some friction of the unenjoyable kind. (Unenjoyable as it may produce sufficient friction to start a small thigh fire.)

Just be careful. We think you're great no matter what you're wearing.

Anonymous said...

speaking of tutus and tights, guess who went with his colleagues as a flock of ballerinas for hallowe'en.

tights have their place in the world, i.e., running and luge-ing. hello, aerodynamics.

Bailey's Mom said...

..yeah..tights??...i will take a pass on that one ..funny post no the less!!,,have a great weekend!

"K" Fingerett said...

Baryshnikov. I went to the same school as his kids in ny... all three of them are younger than me and they were all fun and wild- and maybe even a bit crazy. Especially the first two.

Maybe its the russian in them- that makes them crazy... hmmm...

So, men who wear stretch pants make crazy fun kids?



I loved Robin Hood and watched that movie a lot.

So, I like men who wear stretchy pants? or just Robin Hood?


Fun post Mr. Grunt Man ^_^


Photogirl said...

Grunty, I had no idea you looked so good in a tutu! ;)

goldennib said...

Robinhood is very sexy in his tights.

NiolK said...

Thats what I looked like back in secondary school before I let myself go.

The ballet guy on the left I mean.

vera said...

my question here is... seriously HOW FAST ARE YOU RUNNING in order for spandex to make a difference?????????
it's all a little dubious...

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