What can I say? How's about, Ta Da!!! Behold, manly men in pink tights and tutus. I've watched my share of Nutcracker Suites in my lifetime and let's just say that I was a stupid kid that didn't want to be left home alone with his crazy grandma. Yes, it had nothing to do with the fact that I really, really, liked it.
Ballet is one of those things that a man of a certain callousness, and gravelly fortitude, should never admit to liking. But, I have often wondered about the pleasures of what my friend, Ignacio, calls "stretchy pants".
Do they ride up pleasurably, or is it just plain uncomfortable? What about glide factor: Is there a significant reduction in friction, and if so, is it worth the humiliation? What color will bring out the contours of my thigh muscles more, pink or white?
It seems that it is context specific: retaining your manhood whilst wearing tights.
The Blue Demon! While he is now deceased, you still can't mess with this guy. He will actually come down from Luchadore Heaven and pile-drive your ass till your eyes pop out. He has a rep to protect. Don't be dissing his stretchy pants, or he'll throw in a figure four leg lock after flying from the top rope into you like a freaking condor getting his carrion. But, take note of this: He wears a mask. This is smart, because this accentuates his sexy and his ferocity. Oh yes, you heard me: The sexy!
Want proof that luchadores are truly magnificent men, who both are fully hetero, manly-man, and mui TIGF??? Check this out right here, bro...
Oh, how he triumphs sexually. Is it the man? No! It is the stretchy things!!!
Want further proof that stretchy things can be paradoxically manly and TIGF? Sure, I'll give you shortcakes something to put between your ears and legs. Get a load of this guy here...
Yeah, it's none other than Robin Hood himself. Not many that have messed with this guy have been able to keep their bags of gold, afterward. If you want an idea of just how important Robin Hood is just ask the poor. Ask the ladies, too. Remember, this guy here was the best, and sexiest one, to don the green tights:
Ladies, can you feel the Errol?
As for me, the only stretchy pants that I have been able to pull off...that didn't sound right. I mean, what looked good on me, were football pants and ski pants that were flared for the boots (ah, the 80's and my Roffe ski gear). I do have pair of bike shorts, but take it easy. I don't do requests.
So, all of you men, it is okay to wear the tights. As my friend Ignacio says, "Sometimes, when a man is alone in his room, he likes to put on a-stretchy pants". Just make sure you are engaged in the appropriate ass-kicking activities, and all will be forgiven.
4 years ago