I think I might need some of your mojo. This week has been a horribly stressful one for me and my family. I have been mum to everyone except for my close friends on this. I'll explain a bit.
My 11-year-old nephew "R" started bleeding internally on Monday. My sister (oldest) did not know what was wrong. The doctor's gave him a blood transfusion on Tuesday and a bone marrow biopsy as well. We still don't know, but it is looking like he has leukemia. I'd run a tally of events that have happened to my family these past few months, but it just depresses me to think about it. I am glad that we are survivors. I just don't know how much more bad/stressful things in such a short time I can handle happening to my family. My sister "B" is finally doing well, thank goodness.
Anyway, I have been relying on Youtube to bail me out for posts. I had some great ideas, but no energy to carry them out. I was hoping to get some recording projects finished, but I am now stuck on some stupid guitar layers that I just can't seem to get right. I need to treat you guys to a vacation post and get my pics up. I need to get out looking for another job. But, guess what? I am spent. The good news is that I am about to pay the last payment on my student loans. Wheeeeeeee!
I have had some pains with my body that don't seem to be going away. That auto accident seems to really have done some lasting damage. The thing that sucks is that I already settled. I feel like such a sucker. This is why I really need another job. I can't hack it with my back and neck, anymore. I just feel so slow now. My wrist is killing me all the time. All the employment I've known has been physical work. I really don't know how I'll take to something more sit down, or office culture. That is something that gets me worried.
Hell, I can't even play my guitar for more than a half hour before I feel like I need to quit.
I know I can get better. It is just that I have not been patient and have tried to force my recovery. This is how I've always been. I had some internal surgery once where they took my appendix out and removed some tissue that was wrapping itself around my colon. I went back to work in seven days. My boss really didn't know what was going on and just seemed to care that he didn't have to find someone to replace me.
This leads me to believe that I have some reprogramming to do. I need to work in a more supportive environment. I am loyal to a fault and rarely have thought about my own benefit--I was so much into the "crew". I often wonder what all of this says about me. How many rewards have I missed out on? How many women have passed me up? Money does matter--don't say it doesn't. I feel like such a chump sometimes, but I am determined to not give up. I will make something happen. I can't feel sorry for myself. I am too smart and too talented for me to be sorry. I just have to give myself a swift kick in the ass, and get on with it--pussy!
Alright, I'm done talking shit today. You guys enjoy your Halloween candy.
4 years ago