Wednesday, November 01, 2006


I think I might need some of your mojo. This week has been a horribly stressful one for me and my family. I have been mum to everyone except for my close friends on this. I'll explain a bit.

My 11-year-old nephew "R" started bleeding internally on Monday. My sister (oldest) did not know what was wrong. The doctor's gave him a blood transfusion on Tuesday and a bone marrow biopsy as well. We still don't know, but it is looking like he has leukemia. I'd run a tally of events that have happened to my family these past few months, but it just depresses me to think about it. I am glad that we are survivors. I just don't know how much more bad/stressful things in such a short time I can handle happening to my family. My sister "B" is finally doing well, thank goodness.

Anyway, I have been relying on Youtube to bail me out for posts. I had some great ideas, but no energy to carry them out. I was hoping to get some recording projects finished, but I am now stuck on some stupid guitar layers that I just can't seem to get right. I need to treat you guys to a vacation post and get my pics up. I need to get out looking for another job. But, guess what? I am spent. The good news is that I am about to pay the last payment on my student loans. Wheeeeeeee!

I have had some pains with my body that don't seem to be going away. That auto accident seems to really have done some lasting damage. The thing that sucks is that I already settled. I feel like such a sucker. This is why I really need another job. I can't hack it with my back and neck, anymore. I just feel so slow now. My wrist is killing me all the time. All the employment I've known has been physical work. I really don't know how I'll take to something more sit down, or office culture. That is something that gets me worried.

Hell, I can't even play my guitar for more than a half hour before I feel like I need to quit.

I know I can get better. It is just that I have not been patient and have tried to force my recovery. This is how I've always been. I had some internal surgery once where they took my appendix out and removed some tissue that was wrapping itself around my colon. I went back to work in seven days. My boss really didn't know what was going on and just seemed to care that he didn't have to find someone to replace me.

This leads me to believe that I have some reprogramming to do. I need to work in a more supportive environment. I am loyal to a fault and rarely have thought about my own benefit--I was so much into the "crew". I often wonder what all of this says about me. How many rewards have I missed out on? How many women have passed me up? Money does matter--don't say it doesn't. I feel like such a chump sometimes, but I am determined to not give up. I will make something happen. I can't feel sorry for myself. I am too smart and too talented for me to be sorry. I just have to give myself a swift kick in the ass, and get on with it--pussy!

Alright, I'm done talking shit today. You guys enjoy your Halloween candy.


vera said...

Grats on the stud-payment! That's a $*#&ing huge accomplishment!
My thoughts are going out to "R" and your family. It seems like you guys have been going through such a tough time recently and I know it doesn't help that your other situations aren't as ideal as you want/need them to be. I just know that you have a strength of character that is admirable and I'm dead certain that you are going to survive. What a platitude, sorry about that. But you know what I mean and you know you're in my thoughts.

Jules said...

If you ever read my blog, and I know you do, you'd know that I believe that this is your life's spiral. It's a little out of whack right now, there are some really big loops to it currently, but eventually it's gonna tighten up and get back into it's normal spin. Of course, I'm still praying for your family... and for something curable for R.

It's really easy to just stay doing the same thing, but what happens is you get more and more unhappy at your work and then it throws the rest of your life out of tune. Don't let that happen, Grunty. Be active in finding another career path for yourself. You can do it, and you deserve something less manual for once, damnit! You don't have to be Mr. Grunt all your life.


cindra said...

Grunt-trust me, there IS more to life than a job. Tom and I have created our own jobs...and we get to enjoy our family a lot. It's not easy, and it's not always fun, but overall it is the most rewarding and rich. Hang in there. My prayers go out to you and your family, and special ones to the nephew, R. Hugs.

cash said...

Mr. Grunt, if you are fighting little battles that means you are still in the big one.

Sun Follower said...

Sending you good thoughts and prayers as always. You will get through it, you will.

blog Portland said...

Sorry to hear about all of the family troubles. I've had some dark periods like that before, and I know it's not always easy to stay hopeful.

My suggestion for your future? Keep writing, only bigger. You obviously have talent, a sense of humor, and good timing, so make use of it. I'd buy anything you published (unless it's Star Trek fanfic -- I'm kinda burnt out on that stuff).

Crystal said...

Things will start looking up. Odd years are the best and we are coming upon one quickly. Don't fret Grunty. You've got many many supporters.

I said "coming upon one quickly"

Just Tom said...

Damn that sucks, dude. Say it with me, "That Sucks!" Sometimes it just does. You feel like you're getting on top of things, you get things into a kind of synchronicity and then like your friend Jules said it just spins out of control and starts banging off the walls, shit flying everywhere, while you desperately try to pull it back together.

And as she said as well in her own way, "this too will pass." Leukemia can be cured, if indeed that is what it is. Regardless, the prayers of your friends are there and it ain't over until it's over.

Also, you have to let yourself heal before you take on too much or you can stay in the mode of Quasi-healed for a long time.

On the job front: student loan indicates education. You seem young enough and hence, if your family tree picture is accurate, you are an educated, young, white male. Unfortunate for too much of the world's population but fortunate for you: You are the most employable person on mother earth.

Time to count your blessings.

Outdoorsy Girl said...

I know that your family has been through so much lately and they are all in my prayers, especially "R".

As for your health...It does take quite a while to recover from trauma such as what your body went through in the accident. You definitely need more recovery time. It took my ankle 4 months to feel better after I sprained it! So considering your trauma was to your back and neck, you really should take it slower.

I am happy for you that you have decided to "reprogram" things in your work life. You deserve to work somewhere that will treat you with more appreciation, especially considering your loyalty and all the physically exhausting work you do. You deserve better and you're going to get it. We all have felt unappreciated and underpaid and felt the complete chump, as you said. I know I have. It is just a matter of realizing it and deciding that you want and deserve better. In fact, I am doing a little "reprogramming" myself.

Good luck. You're gonna do great.

(Why do I hear that annoying Mary Tyler Moore song playing in my head?? YOU'RE GONNA MAKE IT AFTER ALL! Lol.)

Christielli said...

Wow, you've got a lot of tough stuff on your plate right now. Your nephew will be in my thoughts.

Karyn said...

Can't even imagine, about your nephew. The rest is also sucktacular. Feeling the pain with you there. Sending happy thoughts, positive vibes and all manner of good stuff your way.

Always on the Move said...

Hey Grunt...
I'm so sorry to hear about everything that has been happening in your life lately. You have so much on your plate, and I know that as one more is dropped on that plate, you're saying "No Thanks, I'm Full, I can't Take Anymore!" But then you'll find that piece by piece you'll be able to handle them and that things will soon get brighter and that you'll feel stronger after all this. Don't give up...remember that it's okay to un-load some of your worries onto others, as no one can keep taking a lot of stress in themselves. It'll only crush you and it'll take longer for you to recover.
My prayers are out there for everyone in your family, inlcuding you Grunt...because you need them as well!
Hugs - Kim

Clearlykels said...

When it rains, it pours and it sucks. I know the saying, "what does not kills us only makes us stronger" is a crappy one to fall back on, but many times it is all that I have. So, be strong and know that we are here supporting and praying for you and your family. I firmly believe there is nothing worse than watching a child go through pain. Good luck to you. :-)

Logophile said...

I totally do not have the time to devote to this comment, so pretend I just said all the stuff you KNOW I would have.

Kayla said...

Well, I'll just come right out and say it..
You've got alot on your plate, man.
I'm sending you loads of my mojo

goldennib said...

Wow, I'm breathless. I'm sorry to hear about your nephew and I'll pray for him and your family.

I'm glad your sister is better.

Congrats on the last loan payment.

I wish you luck in your search for a new job. I'm will send you mojo to get one that satisfies your greatest needs.

LindzyPinzy said...

oh man Im sorry about your little nephew.

I hope you feel better. I really hope the pain from your injury doesn't continue to prevent you from playing