Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Randomitis featuring a part of my "script"

First off: I'm doing better. I go into the doc's tomorrow to get the lowdown. I think I will get off with a slap on the wrist.

I'm thinking of a number between one and one hundred, and it isn't 11 15/16ths. I eat pancakes there. Roman baby!

I have an idea for a seven-coarse burrito. You start at one end and get the jalapeno poppers then through the meal to the finale: fried ice cream, or whatever shit floats yer ovaries. Hey, I'm just trying to get laid here!

Toothpaste needs to change. I'm thinking that it needs to trick me into thinking that I have a shot at the girl working at the bank, you know, while I brush--kind of like re-programming for those of us who need encouragement. Better yet, I should just go around stalking people, grab them, and then brush their teeth until they love me. Bwahahahahahaha! That will work.

Excerpt from the Summer blockbuster, "The Nightbrusher":

The Nightbrusher (gleefully): "Mama give us the pearly whites?"

Victim #2 (under duress and frothing): "Aaaaaaah, s-stop it, (struggles to talk from mouth trauma between strokes) you fu-urkg-ucking freak!"

The Nightbrusher (perturbed): "What? Colgate not good enough for you? I'm not fucking Daddy Warbucks, you ungrateful bitch. Oh, I've got your Rembrant right here, baby!!!"

Victim #2 (horrified) : "Oh god no! NO!!!"

The Nightbrusher (grinning): "Say ah!"

Think I should shop that script around?


Sun Follower said...

As someone who has (literally) read 100s of scripts I would say..... that this is "Marathon Man" meets "Sweet Charity." You might want to revisit the narrative thread.

The Grunt said...

Sun said, "I would say..... that this is 'Marathon Man' meets 'Sweet Charity'."

Freakin' awesome. Who are we visiting again?

Karyn said...

I honestly don't know whether to be amused by your wit, or turned on.


(Crest. Always Crest.)

Scary Monster said...

OK Me gives up! Me4 been thinking about the number fer about twenty minutes, have looked through the yellow pages fer pancake houses and me has read this post at lest fifty times while ruminating about the possibilities. The only number me can come up with is 55. tell me that be it.

P.S. Glad things are improving, but lay off the meds. This were bizzare, even fer you.

Stay cool and STOMPISH

blog Portland said...

Maybe we should cross market those "Tooth Tunes" toothbrushes that all the tweens are using. When you brush your teeth, it plays music in your head. But instead of music, ours could play inspirational messages, or tips on getting laid. We'll be rich, and handsomely laid.

Logophile said...

I know I know!
It's 36.475, huh?
I'm with Karyn, btw,

Photogirl said...

what a random post!

and where is TIGF?

Photogirl said...

oh oops, nevermind. I keep thinking today is Friday.

another cup of coffee please!

goldennib said...

What happened to victim # 1?

Crystal said...

LOVE the burrito idea.

it needs pickles, though. definitely some pickles.

The Grunt said...

Karyn~ Turned on is always welcomed.

Scary~ I eat pancakes at Village Inn. Village Inn = VI. VI = 6. There ya have it, mystery solved!

JJ~ Becoming rich and handsomely laid was the reason I took George Michael's T-shirt's advice and chose life.

Logo~ Another Crest person. I am also a Crest person. Look at my reply to Scary for the number answer.

Celeste~ It happens to the best of us, dahling.

Nessa~ Victim #1's teeth became so clean that her bright smile's reflection made contact with life from another planet. Really, it was just fluoride poisoning.

Crystal~ There will be a pickle version just for you.

Clearlykels said...

Last night, I really, really wanted pancakes. I didn't make any... bummer.