Going to the doctor's tomorrow. I'm fasting right now so I can get a blood test. I have been coming home from work this week and starting to tremor and feel chill--it's freaking hot and I feel cold! I really don't know what in the hell has been wrong with me, but if my doctor doesn't spend at least ten minutes with me I'm changing doctors. Whatever he has got going on, it seems like he is just in and out and kind of tunes out what you are talking about. I'm going to let him know my concerns about my care.
It's funny how my creativity works. I get inspired from certain positive sources, which I like, but that is rare. I seem to get most of my inspiration from my own suffering. I either get my heart stomped or general hard times and it's all a big hoe down in my brain with music, writing, and shit. So, not one to let the window pass, I am writing and composing some new songs. This stuff keeps me alive. It simply amazes me that people really love the stuff that I do. I'm not used to that.
I had hidden this part of my life for a long time and was embarrassed to share it with anybody. The reason why I was afraid was that the music I set out to create was like my idols: big swinging dick rockers, head music, or surly renegades. What eventually came out was just this expression of frustration (heartbreak), tenderness, and off kilter sensibility and humor. I really thought I'd be labeled a pussy by my friends, I really did. You know, in a lot of ways they are unaccepting of my best music. I think this may be because it conflicts with the image that they have of me. I don't perform for them or let them listen anymore because of it. My newer friends totally embrace it. What does this say about the people that I have called my friends for many years?
I'm done with mass mailings of cd's. I did one mass batch and it was alright, but I just don't have the time to do that anymore. I'm willing to do a few here and there. If you are interested, just email me with your request. I'll see what I can do.
4 years ago