Friday, April 13, 2007

TIGF!!! (That's Incredibly Gay Friday): Strawberry Shortcake show & tell

I was on a double date with my friend and his wife; my date being his wife's cousin. Okay, my date was damn hot, and that is something that I tend to go for (all together now: Uh-duuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh!) Things were going fine. We had dinner, talked, and played some stupid games to loosen up (its a dry culture around these parts). That is where this first date should have ended...buuuuut it didn't.

Enter in wifey's haphazard attempt to bring "life" to the party by doing a lame-ass show and tell of her vintage Strawberry Shortcake collection. Seriously, I thought that I was going to have to have a gun pointed at my head to keep me from not laughing my ass off or running for the damn hills. This shit would not end. I was not paying attention to anything that she was saying and my date had totally left my side and started playing with these toys. After trying to slip out of the room to "use the head", I thought my buddy would at least get the hint and follow me and hit some golf balls in his garage. No, he didn't get the hint, and I used my time away to plan my escape.

I came back in the room and whispered into my date's ear, "Hey, don't you think this is boring?"

Her reply: "No. I like this stuff."

Me: "You got to be kidding me. You'd probably hate it if I got out my Star Wars figures, if I still had them, and held you hostage forever and a day."

She just quit talking to me after that. I guess these cousins are like best friends and I insulted her by saying that Strawberry Shortcake was boring. I'm thinking that if we didn't stay at my friend's house the result would not have been the same, well, as fast. See, what I'm saying here is that I could have at least tapped that ass if I was given a bit more time; time that Strawberry Shortcake stole from me.

No, I didn't have time on my side that night, and the date ended with me shouting, "Boy, I'm pooped! Gotta get home before the wind kicks up in the canyon." (Yeah, I was all like "WTF???" too). The funny thing is that my date finally came up with an excuse a split second after mine and it had something to do with her father's dog--so she was bored after all! I just made the mistake of tying "boring" to her fraternal bestie; therefore, furthering the bluing of my balls.

It's funny how silly, little stuff gets in the way of big things.


vera said...

ya n00b...
you need to *use* the strawberry shortcake to your advantage, mate...
and if that doesn't work you can always super-freak her out by telling her about your bondage fantasies with Sour Grapes and Blueberry Muffin ;)


Crystal said...

please tell me you at least fingerbanged her in the driveway.

Scary Monster said...

Ya should have copped one of the dolls on your way to the head and tied it to the end of your penis. That way. when the broad said she liked the damn things, (and you know she were gonna say she did)you could have popped your own shortcake into her face and covered her with icing.

A STOMP in the bush is worth two in the hand.

Logophile said...

That Strawberry Shortcake bitch is always screwing everything up.
Before th wind kicks up in the canyon?
tee hee

Clearlykels said...

I do hope there was some making out.

Scott said...

Damn Strawberry Shortcake and her infernal meddling.

Spacecake said...

Hmm. What to say to all this... well, I feel lucky I don't go on dates. Especially with best friend's cousins. Not that I have a best friend with cousins.

I have a mother who forces me to watch a French movie. Like now.

Aren't I the lucky one?

Jules said...

"It's funny how silly, little stuff gets in the way of big things."

So, are you saying your balls are huge?!

Christielli said...

I never ever drag out the Strawberry Shortcake dolls until at least the third date. That's the kind of girl I am. Old-fashioned, I know.

Mayden's Voyage said...

My old were these chicks? LOL LOL LOL..."Sigh" I can't stop laughing at this!
Grunt, darlin'- I'm glad this one got a way.
Who knows what the honeymoon would have been like!
She might have wanted to paint you blue...and ask you to be Papa Smurf! Ughhhhh!
BTW- Tim had all the Star Wars action figures too...I don't know what happened to them, but he had them.
You 2 would be great friends... :)

Always on the Move said...

I LOVE Strawberry Shortcake as well, but that was when I was younger. I would never be caught playing with her now....NEVER, NEVER, NEVER!!! LOL! What kind of date was that!!!! LOL! I can't sotp laughing!!! Only you Gruntie, only you! Maybe you should've brought your electric guitar with you to keep you company or something, huh! Did you think of that? LOL!!!!
Next time!!!!
And maybe that was her at the end of your bed the night before...ever think of that?! Scary! I know!!!! Don't see her again!!!!
I'm only a Country ahead of you!!!! UP NORTH!!!!!!!

Photogirl said...

If it had been me, I would totally have schemed with you to get the hell outta there! Dolls = boredom. End of story.

Scary Monster said...

Them tiny hurdles we encounter are often out there to see iffin we can handle the bigger things.

A thorn defends the rose, harming only those who would steal the blossom.

Karyn said...

Bluing of the balls - wow. Dude, how could you tap the ass of a Serious Strawberry Shortcake Officianado? I'm sorry - I have cousins who are besties too but sweet merciful crap, I wouldn't hesitate to tell them when I thought they needed to get their freaking heads examined... sorry it was so frustrating for you, but from what I can tell, you dodged a giant, day-glo pink, strawberry scented bullet. Absolutely no remarks, thankyou. Ahem.