I was on a double date with my friend and his wife; my date being his wife's cousin. Okay, my date was damn hot, and that is something that I tend to go for (all together now: Uh-duuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh!) Things were going fine. We had dinner, talked, and played some stupid games to loosen up (its a dry culture around these parts). That is where this first date should have ended...buuuuut it didn't.
Enter in wifey's haphazard attempt to bring "life" to the party by doing a lame-ass show and tell of her vintage Strawberry Shortcake collection. Seriously, I thought that I was going to have to have a gun pointed at my head to keep me from not laughing my ass off or running for the damn hills. This shit would not end. I was not paying attention to anything that she was saying and my date had totally left my side and started playing with these toys. After trying to slip out of the room to "use the head", I thought my buddy would at least get the hint and follow me and hit some golf balls in his garage. No, he didn't get the hint, and I used my time away to plan my escape.
I came back in the room and whispered into my date's ear, "Hey, don't you think this is boring?"
Her reply: "No. I like this stuff."
Me: "You got to be kidding me. You'd probably hate it if I got out my Star Wars figures, if I still had them, and held you hostage forever and a day."
She just quit talking to me after that. I guess these cousins are like best friends and I insulted her by saying that Strawberry Shortcake was boring. I'm thinking that if we didn't stay at my friend's house the result would not have been the same, well, as fast. See, what I'm saying here is that I could have at least tapped that ass if I was given a bit more time; time that Strawberry Shortcake stole from me.
No, I didn't have time on my side that night, and the date ended with me shouting, "Boy, I'm pooped! Gotta get home before the wind kicks up in the canyon." (Yeah, I was all like "WTF???" too). The funny thing is that my date finally came up with an excuse a split second after mine and it had something to do with her father's dog--so she was bored after all! I just made the mistake of tying "boring" to her fraternal bestie; therefore, furthering the bluing of my balls.
It's funny how silly, little stuff gets in the way of big things.
4 years ago