Thursday, April 12, 2007

Last night I was visited by a poltergoogle or some scary-assed shit

Fargk me...this shit was just too much for my nerves. I mean, this was all for realsies; getting mind raped by some kind of fun-house terror ride last night. About 4:40 AM, Edgar Winter came busting out of my closet and humped my foot board, shaking my bed to death. I say Edgar Winter (pictured) because he is the standard to which all scary-assed shit should be measured, and this was some scary-assed shit goin' down.

I was woken up by a violent jerk, Mark Hacking I believe. Seriously, it was like my bed's magic fingers only got a ha'penny bit's worth out of the son'bitch, whatever that means. Ah, yes, it means that instead of going on for a pleasant ride I got a tug. Yes, my bed shifted and woke me up.

I was pretty out of sorts trying to figure out what had just happened to me, then it happened four more times. By this time I was pretty much pecker dribbling my way to the nearest 100 watt bible. A prayer was offered: "Oh, Lord Jesus! Oh, savior of my lost and tormented soul. Please deliver me from some pretty farkging scary-assed shit that's happenin' with my posturepedic. I promise not to touch myself in ways that upset you; well, maybe not that, but I will at least try to not love my neighbor in unusual and inappropriate ways." That seemed to work, but I was still pretty damn disturbed until I actually fell back asleep.

Today I asked as many people as I could if they had felt any tremors around that time and all but one said no. One guy thought he had, but he is highly suggestible and is eager to please. So, now I am acting like a big pussy and staying up on the computer, not wanting to go back to my Satanic "Magic Fingers" bed. Could you blame me?


vera said...

yip yip yip yip yip yip


Jules said...

I say just embrace it, enjoy the ride and use it to benefit you somehow. I'm sure you can think of some way. There's a little bit of exhibitionist in you , isn't there? Those ghosties just wanna see some action!

No seriously, though. I'd move out. Or somehow coax someone to sleep in my bed with me.

Outdoorsy Girl said...

No, I don't blame you. Very Scary and way too freaky!

I had a hard time sleeping, too, after hearing about this. Fortunately, the only bump I got was when Lucy jumped on my bed.

I hope you slept better last night!

Scary Monster said...

Hey Cap'n. Be thankful it were Edgar, Not Johnny or Old man.
You might have been in serious straits then.

He who STOMPS last, STOMPS best.

logo™ said...

"Life is a highway, I want to ride it all night long"
Or maybe not.

Cash said...

Yeah, had it been Johnny that would have been pretty messed up.

Edgar might just be because of some bad shrimp?

The Grunt said...

Vera~ Aw-haw, yip, yip, yip!

Jules~ Ha, you said embrace the ride.

O-Girl~ It was a bit better. It helps to dream of large women.

SM~ Yeah, I think you are right. Imagine all three busting out at you during the night. I don't even want to think about it.

Logo~ What kind of salt do you prefer for rubbing in one's wounds: sea salt or iodized?

Cash~ I'm thinking that is was some kind of physiological thing on my end that I could not account for, given my state of arousal at the time. I was able to move, so that dismisses a hypnagogic hallucination. So, I'm thinking that I need to start being a bit pickier about which taco cart I get lunch from now on.

Clearlykels said...

That is a very scary image. Oh dear.