Thursday, April 26, 2007

Oh, you'd like it if I did one of these, wouldn't you?


I have a plan...a clever one. When I die I want to be wrapped in linen with no embalming done to my body. Then I will be placed in a shallow, shallow grave with no coffin at all. On top of me will be planted a redwood or an oak. Maybe even a larch...yes, the larch. Why? Well, I will inevitably become the tree. Trees have spirits just like us. So, I get two souls. If I happen to get sent to hell, which is highly likely, then my tree soul will save me and go to heaven. I mean, have you ever heard of a tree getting sent to hell?

I have found a loophole, me thinks.

14 comments:

Barbarian02003 said...

Brilliant!!

Crystal said...

can't you at least be an apple tree or something? then i would finally have the chance to eat you raw. grr.

:D

Clearlykels said...

Oh, I really, really like that. Although, I am going to be cremated. So, that works too.

Outdoorsy Girl said...

Nope, I've never heard of a tree going to hell. But those trees that smell like cat piss really should! (I don't know what they're called but I'm squinching my nose up right now just thinking of them!)

If I could be a tree one day, I'd like to a Japanese Maple. They have some rockin' color in the fall.

Keshi said...

ur a genius! u got me all planning my burial...ooops btw I wish to be cremated.

If there was ever a choice, I wudnt have wanted a soul. Life is harder when u have a soul, if u know what I mean.

Keshi.

the one and only... said...

Me would say it time for something different.
Those trees that smell like cat piss produce "nuts " called Ginan in Japaneese. The tree smells like an old woman's apartment, but damn iffin the fruit dont tase good.

the one and only... said...

Me would say it time for something different.
Those trees that smell like cat piss produce "nuts " called Ginan in Japaneese. The tree smells like an old woman's apartment, but damn iffin the fruit dont tase good.

vera said...

you could always grow into a tree, be cut down and have the satanic bible printed on you...
/vera

Scott said...

Genious, you get the permit and I am in!

Christielli said...

I haven't heard of a tree going to hell, but I know that my old ficus plant which used to drop leaves all over my floor is definitely in hell. Or it had better be. Stupid plant making me pick up after it.

You know, you would inevitably become part of some detritivore before you became the tree. But I'm pretty sure detritivores don't go to hell either. My theology may be rusty there. ;)

The Grunt said...

Barbarian~ I try to be.

Crystal~ I would love to have you shake my tree. I would love to see the site of an old lady (future you) munching down hard on some apples and exclaiming, "Yes, oh gosh, yessssss!" Now imagine there being a chick fight over my apples.

Kels~ Ashes are a good fertilizer. Rose garden!

O-Girl~ Cat piss tree? Intriguing. Maple is a good choice, btw.

Keshi~ But I like how hard life can be. It reminds me that I am human and alive. Otherwise, I'd be God's pet.

SM~ Two for the cat piss tree! I am wondering about the fruit now.

Vera~ Ugh, anything not to be part of that douchebag Antoine LaVey's stupid book. Can't I just become a Dr. Seuss book instead?

Scott~ You would do a killer service. You are invited! Just plan on being there in another 50 to 60 years.

Christielli~ Ficus plants are pure evil, I hear. I think you are right about getting eaten up by bugs and bacteria first.

Jules said...

Clever... :O)

Spacecake said...

oy, that's bloody genius mate.

chandra said...

Don't you think it would be a lot more fun to get cremated and just have your best friends drive a car with the top down driving across the country and you can be everywhere. I didn't know this but in some places it is illegal to "dispose" of ashes (cremation) you can be charged for littering... yes is that not pathetic. I don't believe that you can plant a tree over a grave site at least not in a cemetry. But at least here in calgary the big thing is planting a tree in this "spiritual forest" in memoradium. Always a thought....