Friday, February 23, 2007

TIGF!!! (That's Incredibly Gay Friday): When your waffle iron's emotional problems become your own.

I don't know about you, but I am sick and tired of taking care of my waffle iron's feelings after it goes through a nasty breakup. As you can see in this illustration, recreating a scene from today's breakfast, I am consoling my waffle iron after the toaster oven left him for another appliance. That bread mixer is such a slut. But damn, if I don't feel that I am the one really getting hurt here. How in the hell am I supposed to start my day off right if I don't have my fucking waffles, fer cryin' out loud?

You know, if it isn't one thing it's another with this damn waffle iron. The other day it beeped me a Morse code explaining how it aspired to be an actor. Seriously, I just don't know what to do with him--assuming that it is indeed a male. So, getting tired of having an anthropomorphic kitchen appliance, I took this waffle iron into the bathroom to have a long stare into the mirror under the most unforgiving florescent lighting. I told it to repeat after me, "I am a goddam waffle iron, not a character off of the 'O.C.'" It just broke down completely and now I won't be having any waffles for a long time now. Shit, why are relationships so damn hard?

What goes on in your kitchens?


Claire said...

In all seriousness, your waffle iron does look a bit like Ryan from the OC. I'm just sayin' ;-).


Barbarian02003 said...

The freezer part of my refrigerator is angry at the oven, the oven is pissed off at the microwave, and the microwave is pissed off at the dog. The kitchen knives seem to be in a really good mood and that scares me. They haven't been that happy since the "peppers" incident and God knows we don't want a repeat of that.

My waffle iron ran away with my blender. Do you have a blender? Set them up on a date, your iron will probably spit waffles like skeet shooting.

Logophile said...

You know, we have an open policy in the kitchen, polyamory can work as long as there is lots of communication and a commitment to one another.
In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.
Yeah, that's right beeeotch, I have a hippie kitchen.

somewhere joe said...

Grunt, your waffle iron is having an identity crisis

I am the waffle
I am the waffle
I'm not the eggo?

Send it over to Logo's for a little gestalt therapy.

Pokey said...

My kitchen too is all about heartache. My poor smoothie maker just found out the coffee grinder was cheating on her. If my stupid iced tea maker wasn't such a slut I wouldn't have these problems. Lucky for me I don't use any of the appliances so their heartache doesn't effect me much.

egan said...

I'm actually quite sad The O.C. is gone. I mean can you have more hot brunettes on one show? Maybe.

What does George Foreman think about your waffle iron?

Jules said...

I have a love hate relationship with my toaster. I've tried setting after setting, but the thing won't keep consistent and half the time I end up with overdone toast. I loathe overdone toast. Can't eat it. I don't know how many loaves of bread I've thrown away due to my tempermental (or just mental) toaster. I don't think we'll ever come to peace with eachother.

Sun Follower said...

Ther is a new foreman in my kitchen - the brand new Fridgidare. He's bigger and whiter and quieter than the former ColdSpot and he commands the room with his glaring newness. All other appliances are intimidated.. this is the get acquainted period.

Photogirl said...

That's nothing. My George Foreman grill got in a fight with my Waffle-iron last month, and I'm still paying for the medical .. err.. repair bills!

Karyn said...

What goes on in my kitchen? Dude, I thought this was a familiy blog.


No, really what happened is that the answering machine went on vacation and the bloody refrigerator took over his duties. Now he won't give it back and continues to say, "This is the fridge - the answering machine is slacking off. If you leave me a message, I'll stick it on myself with one a these here magnets."

And the answering machine is pissed, so it's emitting high frequency, earsplitting beeps for no discernible reason.

Good help is so hard to find.

Karyn said...

*ahem, f-a-m-i-l-y.

Barbarian's "skeet" comment made me laugh so hard i choked on my ice water and now my shirt is wet. Damn. It.

Chandra said...

You should just buy premade one's... eggos are the way to go. I never realized you liked the book "go ask alice" and you liked Barry Manilow... now I am curious if that is true

Scary Monster said...

Me finds that waffle irons be way too high maitenence. Never allow them anywhere near me Mix Master.
Me has tried to set me microwave up on a few blind dates but the hook ups never lasted very long, about as quick as it takes to defreeze a burrito. Me ice box be a mellow old timer who just won't give up his day job. He prefers to peep at the goings on between the cofeemaker and the bread machine and occasionally flash the party with his door light.

Me? Well lets just say that me just takes things easy with me remote in me hand. The TV takes care of all me interpersonal needs.

Photogirl said...

Dude, I was in a store today and they were selling wolf shirts, and I completely cracked up.


Bugs said...

I'd had enough of my kitchen things having hissy fits and fighting for attention - so I tossed the lot of 'em!
Right in the bin - kettle,toaster,microwave,breadmaker...the blender escaped the carnage by sneaking out before dawn.
I now eat very little and have a tiny electric bill,which I nibble on at night but the calorie content doesn't count.

Outdoorsy Girl said...

My suggestion would be to try to keep the toaster as happy as possible. At least you can have Eggos and English Muffins.

Or maybe you should say to hell with them all and go eat your waffles at Waffle House...Oh yeah, y'all don't have those out there.

Looks like you have an important decision to make then...just how far are you willing to go for the love of waffles?

Keshi said...

Waffle-iron...never owned one :).

ppl over here eat alot of Vegemite toast and yeah it wud be my toaster that broke up with me last time. I threw him out and decided not to own another for a while.


goldennib said...

I loved reading about Vern.

My refrigerator has a bladder problem. When we have company or are in a hurry, all of a sudden we'll find a puddle on the kitchen floor. It trys to blame it on the dog, but we know better.

Princess Pointful said...

I am really sad that I just discovered your blog now, because people who give human characteristics to inanimate objects generally tend to be my favourites. A whore waffle iron?? Bloody brilliant!