Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Don't nueter your pets. Use these instead.

I bought some finger cots today as part of a treatment for my skin breaking deeply on one of my knuckles (along with some mometasone furoate ointment from the pharmacy). I got them at a local chain drugstore. I thought the girl at the counter was in need of some humor and when she checked the box I said, "They're for my cat. He good with the ladies." Well, if you know me in real life, you'd know that I am wacky; plus, I don't have a cat. But, around the uninitiated I come across as dead serious and quiet--also giving off the impression that I just might own a cat for realsies. It's all part of the way that I constantly am sizing up everyone around me and it is rather fun. So, this girl did not get the joke and really gave me that, "OMG, you are one sick puppy" kind of look. It didn't seem to work, but I got a kick out of it.

This brings me to Guinea Pigs humping rabbits....Wha?

Okay, I have a small Youtube collection of videos that I have made. One of which was a clip of my nephew's pet rabbit and pet Guinea Pig being introduced to each other. I had just got my camera/video phone and thought it would be good to get this on video. I have not owned rabbits or Guinea Pigs, so I had no clue that this was a bad idea. To make a long story short, the Pig humped the rabbit all over the place and I got a bit of it on video. We all laughed like total idiots while I was filming it. After that, we broke it up and separated them for good. No creature was hurt, especially the Guinea Pig.

So, I had this clip on Youtube forever, and along with my other clips, hardly anyone looked at them. That was until Saturday night. I wake up on Sunday to find that I have a bunch of emails. I am used to this from the blogs that I keep and my various mail order bride businesses, but not from my long neglected Youtube account. I was curious about my new found fame. Well, it turned out to be infamy, not fame that I was now experiencing. I was a dog, a depraved sicko, to a group of Guinea Pig lovers and they wrote me some pretty horrible emails to me and comments about the video.

Apparently, rabbits are a danger to Guinea Pigs and they should never be around each other. Then they got all mad at me because the Guinea Pig, that was the aggressor and effer, looked "scared". Like I was filming a Super 8 porno and forcing this Guinea Pig into a downward spiral of indiscriminate sexual practices, drugs, and exposing it to further depraved things, such as my clown fetish. You know, that Guinea Pig does not work cheap. I had to totally skip my dinner plans at Wendy's that night to save a few bucks. These people don't understand how hard it is for an amateur film maker to break out into the mainstream, gosh!

I thought of playing around with these people and making reference to future projects, such as "Hamlet with Hamsters" and "What other cute furry animals can fit up Richard Gere's ass?" But, I just decided that I did not want to be known as the guy that made a "viral" video of inter-species copulation. So, I took it down forever. I won't even put it up here. Sorry, I know you all wanted to see something real freaky, but I had to do it.

I have seen a dog fugk a pig once. That was like "Babe" meets Fellini. Geez, what kind of sicko was I watching that? I should've had a camera.

I do believe I have my groove back.


goldennib said...

Clerks never laugh at my jokes, either.

What authority do you think polices interspecies porn that does not involve humans?

Scary Monster said...

Damn you be evil!! You tell us about some funny shit, but you won't give up the goods. Post the vids, Grunt. Me promises me won't call the ASPCA.

Me loves gettin a rise outta the counter people me encounters. Me does have the advantage of lookin kinda strange when me walks through the door.

free hamster love said...

i still have that clip you sent... me and some mates have had some good laughs over it... i think i'll dig it out and watch it again...

Crystal said...

holy shit, that was the funniest thing i have ever read.

Clearlykels said...

Every time my landlord's dog would try to get fresh with my leg, she would look at him and say, "No! Fergus, she is not going to marry you."

logo™ said...

I love the cat condom story. Remind me to tell you about the Irish pharmacies sometimes. Messing with clerks is also fun on an international level.
As for your piggy porn, I have only this to say....
bwah hah hah hah!~

Gentleman-hobbs said...

There's a market for the that - the corporate nosepickers

blog Portland said...

I think you are doing the world a great injustice by taking that video down. How else are we going to get over ourselves (without electro-shock therapy) if we aren't inundated with the very thing that is supposed to be bothering us?

Outdoorsy Girl said...

Condoms for kitties...I love it! This is too funny. You'd totally love the guy who usually checks me out at my pharmacy. He NEVER smiles...EVER. So I always make sure I say something stupid and giggle. He's never amused.

Now about the piggy-bunny lovin' video you removed from YouTube...That's just wrong, Grunt. (The removal of the video not the video itself, that is)

Chandra said...

I thought that might have been the new condom aimed at selling for tweens... seeings as they market everything for that age group these days... them and their disposable incomes!!!

ok bitterness over.

Christielli said...

I hate when I say something that is silly and obviously meant to be funny and people don't pick up on it and think that I'm seriously weird and demented.

Oh!! Excitement! The CDs arrived today. See, all I have to do is gripe about the slowness of the mail and things appear.

I'm so on sending those CDs to this week. I swear.

Jules said...

I saw two cows going at it one time on my summer holiday. I gawked and watched it all. It took them less than a minute to do the entire deed. How's that for romance?

I had no idea rabbits and guinea pigs were suck mortal enemies. Imagine if you'd have caught the pig's demise on tape? You'd never hear the end of that from the YouTube fanatics.

Keshi said...

LOL Omg some very horny animals there!


cindra said...

Oh, my...Nessa's question was SO good.

I am never surprised by what you say...a little scared, but never surprised.

somewhere joe said...

Hamlet for hamsters has possibilities. "Alas, poor Whiskers. I knew him Horatio... a fellow of infinite jest. He poured a feed cup of pellets on my head, once."

Pokey said...

Here is what is sad...I have a guy who tried to date me once that could get good use out of that there condom. He had the smallest one I had ever seen in my life and he actually would brag to people about how big it was....ummm yea...not so much there Coop.

The Grunt said...

Nessa~ I believe it should be Homeland Security's job to enforce interspecies sex crimes.

SM~ I might put it up here. I'll think about it.

Hamster Love~ Please do dig that one up. That was the second clip that I accidentally deleted from my computer. Could you send it to me?

Crystal~ Yes, and that is why you have been my blogger buddy/RL friend for over a year now. How long until you are 29.5 again?

Kels~ Now that would be something: a dog getting married to a leg. It would be a wooden leg, of course.

Logo~ I will spring that reminder on you when you least expect it.

Hobbs~ Yes, even the corporate boys need protection.

JJ~ You will have your cake.

O-girl~ I guess I will have to put it up sometime then.

Chandra~ Tweens and their rich parents: It is something that irks me as well.

Christielli~ Yes, griping works. Tell your friends about it. Yay for CD's!

Jules~ Cow's doin' it in the Summertime. That sounds like the Summer vacation I'd want to go on.

Keshi~ Indeed, they were.

Cindra~ I am glad that I can provide you with predictable unease.

Joe~ Yeah, I'm thinking that would sell. The hamsters would have to work on their stage acting and such, but it is totally doable.

Pokey~ Did this guy drive a jacked up extended cab F350 by any chance?

Pokey said...

No He didn't. He drove a Doge Stratus and would always refer to it as a "sports car"....isn't that cute.