If I were in charge of things ferrets would be called "wiener cats".
Don't climb trees to feel young again. Just don't. You need proof? Did I tell you that I fell out of a tree on Monday? Of course I didn't. That's why I'm telling you now. Anyway, it's true. I have bruised ribs and a sprained left wrist. I climbed up to saw a big branch that was dangling, half broken, and was a safety hazard to pedestrians. As I was climbing down, my foot slipped on a knot that was my rock solid foot hold. The best part about it was I hit a branch on the way down. Whee? Yes, whee. That was the part where I put my arms up in the air and had fun.
I got a new work phone. It is a real cool Moto heavy duty work type Razor. Supposedly you can run over it with a car and it will not break. The cool part is that you can leave voice notes to yourself or send them out. I recorded this long-ass burp after drinking a Dr. Pepper. I then set it up as my ringtone. The problem came, when for some reason I couldn't change the ringtone. I would be around people and then my phone would start belching. I figured out later on how to fix it. Lotsa fun. Now my work ringtone is me doing a "ring-ring" in my best operatic falsetto. People everywhere are now starting to distance themselves from me. It's the latest fashion trend.
I'm sick and tired of people who've never had cancer compare my cancer to someone else's that they know. It's some real twisted game of "My (insert name or relation)'s cancer could beat up your cancer" bullshit. I don't want to even fucking know because I am tired of anything cancer related, to be honest. The fact is that there are plenty of people who have had worse cancer than me, because they are dead. Somehow this does not make me feel like a loser. The real losers are the ones that, for whatever reason, play stupid games with the stories and lives of their loved ones just in order to make them, not the diseased one, feel special. It's like they somehow get credit for knowing the afflicted. Congrats. Now here's your freakin' rubber Cheerio.
That wasn't silly, but I needed to say it.
3 years ago