Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Like a catalytic converter for a cow's ass

  • Like a monkey wrench umbrella crashing into your exposed brain.
  • Like a pickle flashlight that tells time.
  • Like no way, uh-uh!
  • Like, you are in so much trouble.
  • Like a one-man pie eating contest.
  • Like Mikey to a bowl of Life cereal.
  • Like, I am making sense all of a sudden.
  • Like, I need to go back to being absurd.
  • Like donuts for dangerous boys.
  • Like, you know, whatever!
  • Like, this one time I totally found an ear in the grass and it had ants all over it.
  • Like, play the violet peace flute that sounds like a fun house mirror looks.
  • Like gasoline on the barbie.
  • Like shrimp on the Barbie's Playhouse.
  • Like I gotta come up with a real good one to end this thing
  • Like the mouse who shared a warm bed with me in the Wintertime.
  • Like the man who grabbed your ass then told you to act like nothing happened, but it did happen and you can't ever forget about it, because he did grab your ass.
  • Like, who does he think he is grabbing my ass like that? You just don't go around grabbing people's asses!
  • Like, that guy is a total prevert. Not a pervert, but a total prevert!
  • Like, this is hard to talk about but I have nightmares about fish--really scary ones!
  • Like this one time I shot great big holes through a Volkswagen Beetle with my shotgun out in the desert and then I go home and pretend to be all sophisticated and crap.
  • Like when you are at a stop light singing and you don't care who can see you singing, even the dude looking into your rear view mirror. Yeah, he can even see your nostrils flaring when you belt out, "I can't liiiiiive, if living is without yoooooooou!"
  • Like, I am way tired because I spent the night with a mouse.
  • Like, I think the little guy knows that he has a certain kind of power over me and he purposely runs over my bare feet at night to scare the living daylights outta me.
  • Like, so I made a special "offerings" alter to my little furry friend, with seven different grains of the finest quality and he still likes to creep me out at night by trying to carve his initials on the inside of my guitar amp. What freakin' gratitude this guy has. You'd think he'd leave me alone, but noooooooo!
  • Like, I started begging him to leave, or just shut the hell up. Also, to quit pooping on the T-shirt that I left on the floor.
  • Like, I haven't slept well because of this douche bag mouse and I don't like to kill, but I must.
  • Like, I went to Ace Hardware and bought sixteen mouse traps.
  • Like, you heard me, sixteen mouse traps, biatch!
  • Like, I set them up all over the place and now this mofo is a no show.
  • Like, he is just messing with me, messing with me like Ted.

I added a new Youtube clip on my sidebar. It is from one of my favorite movies of all time, David Lynch's "Blue Velvet", and it features a Roy Orbison song. Like, the candy colored man they call the Sandman is working his magic on me right now, mouse or no mouse--I will sleep tonight!

14 comments:

goldennib said...

Like a Congressman's dirty email sent to the wrong person, a meece can keep you disturbingly awake, the dirty little bugger.

Scary Monster said...

Like a wind up toy that steals the beer fom yer fridge and writes me posts.
Me thinks you might want to spend more time in the hammock. You is sounding a bit outta whack today.
STOMP>

Karyn said...

Like, this is one of my favorite posts by you.

Like, the way Rose liked Monet and Jack liked one legged French hookers.

Like, I really like the part about the catalytic converter for the cow's ass.

Like, I think I ruptured something laughing at that, like a baked potato left in the microwave for way, way too long.

Logophile said...

Oh, dude, that was like, so funny!
I like, totally laughed my ass off.
Kill that mouse already, you pussy!

cindra said...

Like, I think I'm in love. Excellent choice...yay, grunty. Like, totally.

Sun Follower said...

Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

Outdoorsy Girl said...

Zoiks! Like all I can hear is Shaggy's voice from Scooby Doo saying "like".

Like that mouse is just waiting to step into his death trap when you are sound alseep. Like he knows that you will wake up when you hear it snap and will, like, be freaked out or something. Then he will, like, haunt you. Zoiks!

veras said...

attach the mousetraps to your feet!
/vera

cindra said...

Like, use peanut butter.

Anonymous said...

Hey Grunt. I'm just about to get out of town for the holidays. Just wanted to wish you a Happy new year before I go. I'll probably be way to drunk to do it later...
Enjoy the festivities and have a cup of grog on me.
From the other side of the waters,
NYD.

Jules said...

Babe - you MUST think clearly enough to just put your amps up on a table until you catch the dirty little bugga. C'mon everyone... join my "Save the Amps" movement!!

Scott said...

Like tennis shoes on an East German weightlifter...

Crystal said...

that song "i can't liiiiive if living is without youuuuuu" reminds of that one scene from that one movie where the girl was obsessed with the guy but he thought it was someone else so she got in the bathtub and slit her wrists and they had a close up of her face as she was dying and they played that song.

now i've done got the willies.

The Grunt said...

I enjoyed all your comments. I am playing catch up and can't comment on all the comments.

One thing, no need to fear, Chica. I am trying to remember that movie, now that you mentioned it. Now it is bugging me.