But, I'll give it a shot anyway.
Have you ever replaced the tie-rods on a truck that is over thirty years old? Well, I did today and my arms are dead. Everything was rust welded together and it took everything I had, including inventing new and improved swear words, to get the old parts off. The funny thing is that taking off the old parts took forever and putting on the new parts took twenty minutes. If I were to be a mechanic for a living it would have to pay at least a six-figure salary for it to be worth my pain and suffering.
My brother bought this DVD collection of old driver's Ed videos--the really gross, violent ones. It's been a hoot watching them. I've got to hand it to the Ohio Highway Patrol, circa 1958; they make great gore flicks. It was interesting to see how little damage some of those big old cars would receive, yet the passengers would get totally mutilated by having nothing absorb the energy from the crash, as well as no seat belts. There was one scene where they were pulling this dude from a roll over and his lower half was gone. Yum!
I've been thinking about what kind of super power I'd like to have lately. I'm really thinking that being able to control odors would be awesome. I was working on a roof today and happened to stand right over a restroom ventilation exhaust. It was like mixing the smell of a witch's crotch and a homeless pirate covered in bile. I got pretty sick after that and dry heaved for a bit. Some smells are so bad in this world that I'd rather spend a day living in a dead elephant than smell those smells. The worst smells that I've encountered were houses of people that I came across in England. One house had fourteen dogs and crap was everywhere. The people living in the house didn't bathe and there was rotting food just laying about. The other worst smell was an apartment of a schizophrenic guy who kept all his urine, sperm, and feces in open buckets laying about. His name was Leo and he wrote me poetry. The last worst smell was that of an old man whose leg was gangrenous and his shin bone was visible. There were all sorts of vermin running about his place and I picked up a tray of "green", which used to be some kind of food at one time. To put all of this in perspective, I used to work as a garbage man at one time.
Ok, I'm done.
3 years ago