Thursday, March 05, 2009

Too tired to blog

But, I'll give it a shot anyway.

Have you ever replaced the tie-rods on a truck that is over thirty years old? Well, I did today and my arms are dead. Everything was rust welded together and it took everything I had, including inventing new and improved swear words, to get the old parts off. The funny thing is that taking off the old parts took forever and putting on the new parts took twenty minutes. If I were to be a mechanic for a living it would have to pay at least a six-figure salary for it to be worth my pain and suffering.

My brother bought this DVD collection of old driver's Ed videos--the really gross, violent ones. It's been a hoot watching them. I've got to hand it to the Ohio Highway Patrol, circa 1958; they make great gore flicks. It was interesting to see how little damage some of those big old cars would receive, yet the passengers would get totally mutilated by having nothing absorb the energy from the crash, as well as no seat belts. There was one scene where they were pulling this dude from a roll over and his lower half was gone. Yum!

I've been thinking about what kind of super power I'd like to have lately. I'm really thinking that being able to control odors would be awesome. I was working on a roof today and happened to stand right over a restroom ventilation exhaust. It was like mixing the smell of a witch's crotch and a homeless pirate covered in bile. I got pretty sick after that and dry heaved for a bit. Some smells are so bad in this world that I'd rather spend a day living in a dead elephant than smell those smells. The worst smells that I've encountered were houses of people that I came across in England. One house had fourteen dogs and crap was everywhere. The people living in the house didn't bathe and there was rotting food just laying about. The other worst smell was an apartment of a schizophrenic guy who kept all his urine, sperm, and feces in open buckets laying about. His name was Leo and he wrote me poetry. The last worst smell was that of an old man whose leg was gangrenous and his shin bone was visible. There were all sorts of vermin running about his place and I picked up a tray of "green", which used to be some kind of food at one time. To put all of this in perspective, I used to work as a garbage man at one time.

Ok, I'm done.


Christielli said...

Worst smell I have ever smelled was the "bug" room in the Royal Ontario Museum. I took a course there in university, and for "fun" the took us to a room where these African insect would eat the flesh off of specimens so that the Museum could prepare the skeletons for study. It was a putrid smell and it stuck in my hair so I ran home after class to wash it ASAP.

NYD said...

I did not need to read this right before bed time. I will probably have stankmares all night long.

Sun Follower said...

Clothes pins - the old fashion air controllers.

KuPu said...

Grunty, my friend! Were you sleep typing this as you were writing? LOL. You sure made me laugh. Thanks again! I also smell everything and my friends hate me for it, but it's something that I cannot help. If there's the slightest smell, I'm able to pick it up, especially if it's disgusting. We're not thinking that one of my five senses has decreased for my smell sense to increase a lot lately. Maybe you're with me there, buddy. Welcome! :)

KuPu said...

Oops, I meant to write that "we're NOW thinking that one of my five senses...."

The Grunt said...

Christielli~ I've heard about that thing before and it seems like it would be nasty. The smell staying around in your hair and clothes is especially disturbing.

NYD~ Stankmares are horrible.

Sun~ I should just wear a clothespin on my nose one day and see the reactions that I get from people.

KuPu~ I'm still trying to figure out who you are. You sound familiar.

Jay said...

1. You should really carry a camera with you to document this stuff.

2. And/or use said pictures to write a book. Filth and degradation are always big sellers. You can even start with the people who live across the street from me.

The Grunt said...

Jay~ I've got loads of pictures from my life in England. That was a long time ago. Really, anybody can meet strange/tragic cases like that if they knock on doors all day trying to get in people's houses to talk to them about God.

Jules said...

Yes!! A solution to my evening snack attack issues... just come back here and reread this post over and over again.

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