Monday, March 23, 2009

I'm McStuffing It

Stuff. That's what you have and what happens. I could go on and on, but George Carlin has already covered all of that before and much better than I ever could. Here's some stuff that's happened.

My truck (you know him as Clyde) has, in recent months, decided that steering against the will of its driver (me) is good sport. This has led me to ponder the reasons why and unload my bank account in buying tools and parts necessary to rebuild the entire front end and steering system of my truck. Why? Because, I am obsessive. And that, folks, is why I am not married yet. The good news is that I rock and my mechanical skills prove this. I also was able to do all of this for under half of what it would have cost me to have someone else do it. The downside is that I am now officially disabled and walk with a hunch. Parts that have been secured under 120 foot lbs. of torque for over thirty years and all sorts of weather do not want to be separated. The solution is to use a bit of the good slippy sauce, a long breaker bar, and a BFH. My will and knuckles were stronger but now pay the price. The final upside is that I pissed off my neighbors and got to pound on a pickle fork really hard.

I've started finishing a lot of my "nerd" projects as well. All of those electronic effects and amplifiers that were laying about the room, providing evidence of the decline of my mental health, well, no more! I am selling off the brand name stuff that I no longer need and have fixed and the homebrew stuff will get put to use.

I will be taking my mother into surgery on Tuesday. She had precancerous polyps growing inside of her uterus. Seeing as how she has had lymphoma and breast cancers before, we are not taking any chances, and I am giving up hope of having a younger brother. She will be getting a full hysterectomy. That is right: we are taking her Def Leppard CD away from her. In all seriousness, it is a relief that the doctors have a way to take care of things before they progressed.

During my many voyages to various auto parts stores, I had some rather frustrating experiences. I went to the local Lobotozone and asked to purchase a certain tool to set the preload for my new ball joints. The dude looked at me like I was the dumb one and said, "I ain't never heard of adjusting no ball joints." The more that I explained in detail the process of proper installation and adjustment of 4x4 ball joints I realized that I had might as well been explaining to him the existence of Bigfoot. The only problem with that is that he would have then told me that Bigfoot was his mother, and I would, by his demeanor, been forced to accept that as fact. I have come to the conclusion that these employees of certain auto parts stores are just "flipping" brake pads and dropping spark plugs into the "fryer".

I think that the name "Roscoe" should make a comeback as a name for boys.

That's all I got tonight.

7 comments:

Scott said...

First and foremost. All the best to your Mother, hope that everything works out great, which I am sure it will.

Guitar parts and what not eh? Selling off any actual guitars?

The Grunt said...

No actual guitars. I am the cat lady of guitars and it pains to see just one of my many go. I will be selling a Boss BF-2 analog flanger, a Lexicon rack mount reverb processor, DOD Flashback Fuzz, Danelectro triple octave and down the road a four track machine. I have been contemplating selling an amplifier as well.

Thanks for wishing my mom well.

Christielli said...

Your mom will be in my thoughts and prayers.

I agree with you about Roscoe. Some celeb needs to jump on the Roscoe train.

Jules said...

Best of luck in your endeavour to clear out your space a little bit... which space I'm referring to here is for you to figure out.

But in all seriousness, this is good news about your mom. I hope her surgery goes well and leaves no traces behind!!

Jay said...

I sometimes think prison would be a preferable destination next to Auto Zone. Oh, and say Hi to your mother for me.

The Grunt said...

.Christielli~ I am glad that you see things my way on this.

Jules~ Space is the final frontier

The Grunt said...

Jay~ I almost forgot; I told my mom that you said hi. She needs to tie her gown up in the back. Just a sec while I call for a nurse.