Sunday, March 15, 2009

Facebook is a tool of the Devil designed to depress me

First of all, I feel like I can't reciprocate any acts of friendship on Facebook because I quickly tire of being on that site. I would rather just call you or respond to you here.

The other thing: I finally started looking around on Facebook and looking for people from my past. Big mistake. You can think that you are ok with how things have turned out in your life. You can think that you no longer have any animosity, hurt, or feelings for those people from your past. Then, you go ahead and start looking. You see them smiling. You see that they are happy. You see that their life didn't fall apart without you. In fact, they are better off without you. You also see those assholes that didn't give you two thoughts are still vacant, yet, somehow they got it and have a wonderful life. No justice as you thought was needed, or the way you thought it should happen to them. Those that ruled during high school are also doing really well now--not how it happens in the movies. The worst part is that it got to you when you looked them up. You are not as over it as you supposed you were. It makes me feel like like that odd ball misfit all over again. But then again, I am that. That's why you guys come here, right?

Of course, this is all conjecture, but the point is that it still got to me. I still can feel like I'm not included in whatever it is that "they" were in on. That really disappoints me. I think I would have been fine if it weren't for coming across a certain person. That one girl was the lynch pin. I think it is funny how you can have certainty for something that is so completely not going to ever fucking happen that it is not even funny. It has happened to me several times and I can only sit back and laugh at my folly. I am a great person to talk to, to hang out with, and to say is your friend, but somehow there is something about me that ultimately causes people to pass on. It should bother me. It does a little. But I have just come to the conclusion that I am not easily accessible on a certain level. There are not that many in this world that it would end up working out with and I get tired of that fact. There are reasons for me being on this earth. Maybe those reasons take me places that others don't want to go. I have, for the most part, accepted that. It is just that last night I had a huge moment of doubt and reflection. I wished I hadn't even crossed her path.

Of course, this post is just my way of chastising myself for allowing myself to relive past disappointments. We all go there, now and again, and it is never as bad as you make yourself to believe it to be. Going to that "place" brings about an unreliable way of perceiving past events. You project and interpret things incorrectly all to beat yourself up over something that you no longer have anything to do with. Anyway, I welcome all one-liners that refer to me as a "weeping pussy". Thank you for your time.

17 comments:

Julie Schuler said...

facebook is a little disconcerting.

NYD said...

That with which we measure our lives is at best a rubbery yardstick.
If you go looking into the past it is so much easier to find dissappointment than happiness. After all, we never dwell on happiness and try to change it.

Christielli said...

I totally try to keep my facebooking activities to those whom I consider my real friends. I don't want to see ghosts from the past. Also, I don't want them to see how awesome I've turned out 'cuz it'd rough on their self-esteem. LOL Not really, I'm pretty sure that most ppl have forgotten me 'cuz I was really under-the-radar.

Queue_t said...

hindsight is 20/20

I have a facebook account too, not so hot on it somedays. I am the chick that everyone loves to say see she got sooo fat after high school.

Queue_t said...

P.s. forgot to add I don't mind that you comment on our comments right here on your blog! QT

Chris said...

I use it to shame old friends into paying their lost bets. Got a check just last week.

Jay said...

Fuck Facebook. FUCK THEM HARD.

Seriously though, don't leave Facebook. I'm dangerously close to 100 friends.

Jules said...

Facebook, for me, is nothing more than a way for people to spy on each other. Well, it might be a tad bit more than that, but not much. Thus, I'm only in there once or twice a week. There's so many annoying factors about it, yet so many people are on it, so you stay and hang about, not really getting why you're there in the first place. LOL There was a person or two that I knew from high school that I loved reconnecting with, but then others that I couldn't wait to get rid of again.

So basically, my friend, I get what you're saying.

Anonymous said...

THis is why i dont have an account on facebook and i feel like you described as well often when i only google other people which means that more people feel the way you do than dont which mean that you are in fact 'in on it'. and that secret is that its all pretense. the supposedly cool are just good at pretending to be cool. the real cool know there is no point in pretending. there is only any point in being. or is there? so i say delete that fuckbook account and be a fulltime blogger snob. amen!

The Grunt said...

Julie~ I like Blogger a lot better, but I do Facebook because there are people on there that want to keep in touch with me that don't know about this blog. I like it that way.

NYD~ You got that right!

Christielli~ Then it is official--you consider me your friend! Haha! Anyway, I was very much under the radar during high school, so I feel ya.

QT~ Well, f any of them hurt your feelings, let me know and I'll go after them:)

Chris~ It's just as I suspected: you're a loan shark.

Jay~ I could never leave you, sweet cheeks.

Jules~ I can always count on you to get me:)

Anonymous~ Right on! I agree, but I will stay on Facebook for those who are my real friends and family. I'm just not going to dabble in looking up people from my past, at least those ones who are connected to emotions of mine that bring me down.

vera said...

Facebook...
A bone of contention amongst my friends that I refuse to open an account... Hah!
Seriously, it just seems to be a place to 1) Stalk people 2) Brag about yourself 3) Stalk people 4) A giant scorecard on the interwebs.
I like being facebookless!
/Vera

BrettM said...

You gotta love Facebook, cousin. I mean ... your Aunt Jackie and Uncle Gary are on there. Ok, wait, not the best selling point.

I have to admit I mostly only use it to promote shows I'm doing or to make connections so that when I get laid off I have people to beg for a job.

Outdoorsy Girl said...

I can definitely see your point. There is one person that I have never and will never try to look up because of the reason you named. Also, the same reason I won't driver down a certain street and avoid certain places. Luckily it is only that one person who affects me that way and I have closed all the chapters with past peeps in my life. They don't hurt me anymore.

Chandra said...

*hugs*
Totally know what you mean, those douches that you remember being mean to you for years somehow seem to have the perfect life. But rememeber it isn't always what you see, what could look like a great marriage 2 kids and a dog, could be a cheating loveless marriage with a house they can't afford and one step away from losing it all.

I regret letting "high school" people back into my real life.

Logophile said...

ahhh yes,
the Facebook issue.
NIL ILLEGITIMUS CARBORUNDUM

The Grunt said...

Vera~ I've already seen your face and have read a book. Both are good.

Brett~ I hope you still have a job. As for my aunt and uncle, I have very fond and weird memories of them. I'm glad that you turned out ok.

OG~ Yep, it's hard.

Chandra~ Yeah, it is hard to tell what lies beneath those smiling pictures.

Logo~ I love you!

Sun Follower said...

OMG - I relate completely! I looked for and found a rather significant ex on there... and although the profile wasn't open to non-friends, the pic was of him and his new wife holding what looked like a little baby in front of a Xmas tree. Now, I do not by any means wish it were me in that pic AT ALL... it was just unnerving as hell.