Ever since I remarked to myself in the mirror one morning, "Holy smokes, I look like a freakin' Chia Pet", I couldn't think of a more appropriate feature for TIGF!!! I have been sprouting hairs all over my body. I am the ultimate Chia Pet. Who wants to water me?
The weird thing is that I am much hairier in some areas than before. It is freaking the hell outta me. I keep asking myself when my voice will drop for the second time. Puberty was hard. I don't want to go through it again.
Okay, I think I need to say some crap about how fabulously gay Chia Pets are in order to meet my TIGF quota. Here it goes: Ha-ha, look at how gay they look--growing that shit all over the place--Tijuana called and they want their crappy ceramic knick knacks back. Sufficient? Yeah, I think so. Well, I think what makes the Chia Pet TIGF, in the most fabulous way, is the commercials, especially the jingle. I need to see if I can download that off of Itunes. Just think if that was your big claim to fame, that you were the person who sang the Chia Pet jingle on the TV.
Do you think that people would come up to you in restaurants and demand that you sing it? That is assuming that you did the local morning news segment about "famous" local people, and assuming that the local news is Casper, Wyoming. That's the type of town that I could see the Chia Pet lady coming from. Wyoming has like one corner in the Northwest that is nice, and that other bit where they are bum-jugging Utah at Flaming George (Gorge). We Utahns won't admit to liking that sort of thing, but at Flaming George the shit goes down. Oh, and Wyoming has that Devils Tower place where aliens played their space tuba at us. Anyways, Casper is the farthest thing away from anything cool in that state. Besides, what kind of state names a city after a little boy that died drowning in a well, then went around haunting people because of his psychotic friendlust?
I tend to ramble. Forgive me. Happy Leap Day! Make sure that when you leap, it is the most TIGF bounding you've ever done.
3 years ago