Eating toast all broken hearted...

...came to post and only farted.

Nah, I got something for my pretties. I think I am a 21st century retard. Why? Because I can't seem to figure out Facebook. I'll get an email telling me that someone egged my wall or gave me a big kiss and a wet willie. So, I follow the link and all sorts of far out crap is on my profile page. People are doing stuff to me all the time and I don't do it back because I just don't get it. I got my menorah lit by my cousin. I actually liked having that done, though, because I get him--he is funny (it runs in the family, but skips a generation). The thing that I don't get is what these gifts are supposed to be. See, I get all excited thinking that the FedEx guy will soon be delivering the gift that was sent to me, via Facebook, only to find out that it is just a graphic of a present. Also, I apparently used the "force" on people and have no memory of ever doing that or what in the hell that is supposed to do. I mean, I hope that you guys will still be my friends if I am Facebook 'tarded. I truly feel bad that I am not that involved, but I love all my friends there.

Next topic: "Authentic" delis preying upon the ignorance of uncultured Intermountain folk. I have many times been to delis that try to pass off a Rueben sandwich that uses pastrami instead of corned beef, bread other than marbled rye, and mustard instead of thousand island/Russian dressing. I love pastrami, but if you put pastrami in a "Rueben" it must then be called a "Rachel". I am not making this up. Those of you that don't know me in real life are not aware of my passion for deli fare. So, it really irks me to see the bastardization of a Philly Cheesesteak as well. I am not saying that the variations on these sandwiches are bad, but I think some qualifiers are in order.

Okay, that rant was a little weird. It's just that I went to an "authentic" New York deli for lunch and it seemed like some dudes from Provo appropriated the New York theme, made a bunch of shitty sandwiches up, and then passes them off as some kind of thing you'd pick up on a street corner in the Bronx. Then, the best part is that you can order your sandwich "deli style", which just means extra meat (well, I wanted a real deli sandwich, so I guess I will have to disregard my health and quit being such a damn pussy about it). So, a deli makes non-deli style sandwiches standard and the upgrade to "real" deli style is that you appease my gluttony? This is America! You should appease my gluttony always--it should not be an option!!! Anyway, I am so tired of these strip mall chain restaurants that pop up wherever there are gas stations and a Wallmart/Target. I blame myself for settling.

I work with a guy that looks like a cross between "Serpico" era Pacino, Ray Davies of The Kinks, and Christopher Lloyd. You'd think that would work out pretty good, but he just looks like a man who is one more Mountain Dew shy of becoming a jackhammer. He's fun to talk about crazy shit with, though.

I'm going to bed. Maybe I will dream about toffee boiling dwarfs. I'll let you know.