I have one question for you: Have you ever faked an orgasm with yourself? No, really. Have you just sat there thinking, "Boy, this is just taking forever and I have a headache....oh, did I forget to turn my curling iron off?" You know how it would go--you'd moan and scream for more, with your yesses and syncopated grunting, but would you be able to fool yourself? I think deep down inside a part of you would feel impotent and undervalued while the other half was blissfully painting their toenails. I mean, is there nothing more awkward than sitting in bed watching TV and not talking to yourself?
I think our pets, and by pets I mean dogs and cats, want to speak to us but find that English is just plain silly. I have come to the conclusion that they would rather speak Cantonese or Mandarin Chinese instead. So, if you want to speak with the animals start learning those two languages today.
Don't inquire as to how I draw my conclusions, please. It might involve some math and plenty of wild assumptions.
Have you heard that there is a reptilian master race ruling our earth? Yes, they shape shift into regular looking dudes and dudettes and walk among us. This shit is real! Now what'd I do with my crack pipe?
I had a 63-year-old lady at work call me beautiful, precious, dahling, "Hey Hollywood", and talented (and then told me to thank my parents). She has also touched my ass. She has an unmistakable cackle when she sees me and loves getting on the elevator with me. In the elevator things tend to get really weird and funny as hell, at my expense. This is it: I have been reduced to becoming a giggling, blond&big-tits secretary to this "Good ol' Boy" Boss lady ('cept she's not my boss). Did I just say what I thought I just said? Yes, times have changed. I will have to be careful next time who I unsheath my Makita cordless around.
I have tried, in earnest, to implement the principles of "The Secret" in my life and they have not worked so far. Hell, I even have the damn photo of me and Wonderwoman's photoshopped wedding pictures hanging around everywhere. I think this stuff is a load of hooey.
I think a tostada sharing room with a taco on a combo plate is just the restaurant trying to fool you into thinking that you are not just getting two tacos.
I gotta pee!
4 years ago