Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Cat burglar, me

I broke into an office complex to see if I could do it, just for fun. I was successful. I know the building manager and kind of bet him that I could (it wasn't a bet for any specific amount--just a bet). I got through to the vehicle lot by squeezing through the fence/gate where it is anchored in by an eight foot post. There was enough of a gap between the perimeter security fence and the lot's security gate to get through (bad construction quality). I was pretty glad that I didn't need to climb a chain link fence, but I would have anyway. I then went to the loading dock and spied an entrance with an overhang supported by two steel beams. One beam was close enough to the building that I could chimney my way on top of the entrance. From there I jumped up to grab onto some conduit and then swung my right foot onto a flood light housing, where I got better positioning. From there I could reach the roof and pull myself up.

I already knew that if I could climb up onto the roof that it was just a matter of being able to safely drop into an outdoor courtyard area that is isolated within the structure. The crash bars on the doors are on the outside, and for some reason can't be locked to keep a person from getting trapped. However, you can lock them so you can't go into the courtyard. I picked my spot. It was about 18 feet off the ground so I lowered myself as far as I could to reduce the drop. Fortunately, I was able to get my foot onto the top of a window frame and climb down a bit more. The drop ended up being only seven feet. Once I landed safe and sound, I just went through the doors and found the dude who just lost a bet to me.

BTW, If you haven't already checked out my new Youtube embed down on my sidebar (er, my new stolen Youtube embed) do; It is hilarious. "The Fresh Prince of Death Metal": Technically, it is a bit of Black Metal and Death Metal with Will Smith steppin'.


vera said...

*wags a finger @ you and gives you a stern slash motherly look*

how does your back feel about the whole B&E thing? o_Ó

btw... you need to watch Dane Cook's bit about his B&E experience. i almost p'd my pants.


Scary Monster said...

Grunt. You are a real honest to god- Jedi Knight

may the STOMP be with you.

Clearlykels said...

Now, now now-- is this the result of a misguided youth?? I'm glad you did not hurt yourself. Did you case the job first?

Barbarian02003 said...

You must be in pretty good shape to do all that. Sure you don't want to come to St. Louis? I got a few things you can climb *wink-wink, nudge-nudge*

Next time put money on it.

Sun Follower said...


Jules said...

I broke into a hunting lodge a few times when I was 11 years old. We went out on our ski-doos and found it. The first time was hard to break in. After that, we just left the door unlocked and used it as a hang out. It was just my cousin and I. We stole some candles from there. And used the toilet.

goldennib said...

You could be on that new TV show, It Takes a Thief.

Keshi said...

Grunty doin some undercover jobs?


Outdoorsy Girl said...

Good work MacGyver!

I broke into a historic church once. I had to use my super human flexibility skills to stretch my leg up high enough to reach the window and then pulled myself up the wall and contorted myself to fit into the the small space. The blasted window wouldn't open any further. Sometimes freakish flexibility and double jointedness comes in handy!

I can't believe I am admitting this to anyone.

chandra said...

Did you ever see that episode of Fresh Prince of Belair where Carlton and Will have the dance contest? If you haven't it's damn near the best thing you can lay your eyes on. As commented before"what the hell?", yes I apoligize I jump from topics faster then most people breathe. It's that quirk thing. ps. is the building mgr too trusting or just too stupid to let you do that?

The Grunt said...

Vera~ My back actually felt pretty damn good that day. I haven't seen that Dane Cook bit. I will have to check it out.

SM~ A Jedi craves not these things: Old milk, hairy women, and Geo Metros.

Kels~ It seems as though you have peered into my past. A couple of my old, old friends (who I don't hang out with anymore) would try to break into each other's homes for fun, pick locks, and get into cars. We never broke or stole anything... valuable (like some army guys). I was the worst by far of the three of us, though--worst as in not a good burglar. Anyway, as a matter of fact, I did case it and figured out the plan of attack before hand.

Barbarian~ Well, good enough shape is a better way of putting it. If you know a few simple climbing techniques it isn't hard at all. My dad was a rock climber and I have learned a thing or two from him, even though when I was old enough to start he could no longer do that stuff, due to poor health.

Sun~ Do I detect a bit of Julie Newmar in your tone? Purrrr!

Jules~ So, it was you all this time. I want my damn candles back!

Nessa~ Yeah, and I would be the dude who would get into the house and have a neurotic/moral crisis about what I was doing in there.

Keshi~ A little bit of dis an dat.

O-Girl~ Well, I know firsthand of your flexibility. I am now a believer.

Chandra~ I will search the ends of Youtube for that dance off. Well, I know the building manager really well and it was all just for fun. All the people were gone from the complex and security had not been activated. I am not good enough to be able to fool sonic and infrared sensors. Mainly, I just wanted to show him how insecure his building really was.

somewhere joe said...

Oh, I like this, Grunt - I think you've invented a new extreme form of recreation. You could lead small groups, at a thousand dollars a pop (outfits are extra), on pre-secured but challenging break-ins. Sign me up!

Logophile said...

You criminal!
I like that about you