Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Spring break at the hospital!!!

Don't be alarmed! I'm just having to spend my first full day of spring break at the HCI for a regularly scheduled poke and prodding. The problem is that I will be there from 8:40am till 4:30 pm going from one clinic and tests to another. I am certain that everything is fine. Like I said, this is just part of the regularly scheduled programming.

Oh, I can at least share a dirty joke with y'alls.

This dad is tired of his half-wit son, Timmy, not going anywhere with his life and figures that he just needs to get him laid for motivation. So, this dad sends his son off to the outskirts of Reno with $300 and an address to a whore house that his buddy from work gave him. We now enter the whore house.

Timmy: (Puts the money down on the barrel head) My dad gave me this many dollars for a pretty lady to turn me into a man.

The Madame: Hmmm, well, that's nice of your daddy, but my ladies aren't into tutoring little boys. Y'all got some experience?

Timmy: (Confused) Uh, I think I do. Yeah, I've had experience.

The Madame: (Skeptical) Something tells me you don't, sonny. Tell you what, there's an old sycamore tree out back with a bunch of knots and holes in it. Why don't you go out there and practice on it first.

Timmy: (Still confused) Okay!

So five minutes pass and the madame goes out to check on Timmy.

The Madame: Boy, what on earth...What have you been doing out here?

Timmy: (Proudly) Going number two!

The Madame: No, son. You've got to practice by screwing the tree (explains what screwing is). Now, I'm going to leave you out here a little bit longer until you get the hang of things.

Timmy: Okay.

This time the madame waits a couple of hours and then goes out to check on Timmy.

The Madame: So, you think you've got the hang of it yet?

Timmy: (Exhausted, yet feeling triumphant) Yep!

The Madame: You think you are ready to try it out with one of my girls?

Timmy: Uh-huh!

The Madame: Well, all right then. Let's get you in there, tiger!

The madame escorts Timmy into one of the rooms where one of her girls awaits. The madame closes the door and lets nature take its course. Three minutes pass and the madame hears her girl start screaming like crazy. She runs into the room and finds Timmy chasing the girl around the room, poking her with a broom stick.

The Madame: What in the hell do you think you're doing to that poor girl?

Timmy: Checking her for bees!



Chris said...

$300 for a jump in Reno? Hell, that doesn't leave you with any bus fare back.

Christielli said...

Hope that the testing went well!

The Grunt said...

Chris~ That's how Reno's population rises--dumbasses don't bring enough for the trip home.

Christielli~ Thanks for hoping. The results were excellent. I had another bad reaction to the iodine I.V. dye, though.

Jay said...

So am I to understand that a broomstick is off limits when engaging in foreplay? Because if so, I've got some re-learning to do.

The Grunt said...

Jay~ Broomsticks are just fine, but remember: always use a condom.

Jules said...

Ummm... that, My Dear was a strange joke. I actually thought she'd walk in and see him with a screwdriver and some screws.

I sent time in the hospital today too. My mom and her broken foot. I wanted to fall asleep so badly but couldn't get comfortable while waiting. I hope your day went well and all tests are good!!