Sunday, February 01, 2009

Go hang a salami. I'm a lasagna hog.

My duplex neighbors are moving. The sound of them walking in and out of their side is depressing to me. The depression of them leaving will soon get replaced by the anxiety of new tenants moving in. The renter's cycle of life is much like a palindrome--you think you are going forward with your life but you can't tell when you are actually going backward. It's all the same. You rent your living space. I want to own my living space.

Very few people actually own their living space. It is all temporary on this earth. Whether you rent, lease, or borrow, how much are you really going to own in the end? Do you own your soul? Is there eminent domain with that sort of thing? I often fantasize about living totally independent of God and man, but this is impossible. I also question my motives for having such desires. To totally disconnect is to enter the void--to cease existing. If I believe in an afterlife (which I happen to), then death does not bring that about. If there is no afterlife, then why rush the trip to the black? I'm back to realizing that I am in my place on borrowed time. My goal is to exit that place without tragedy. No, I want to transcend my situation and my environs.

I continue to ponder about what it takes to preside totally over my own being. I have to realize that this is possible while remaining connected. I will have to deal with neighbors and they will want to trespass. I'm going to have to allow some people on my lawn, in my living room, into my room. I think it has something to do with giving. You can't give something away that is not yours to begin with.

Now, I must ask who is it that has ownership of me. What do I need to do to negotiate a deal to get myself back? When I get what I want how will I behave? There is an art in selflessness that does not betray self preservation. I want to learn that. I want gain myself and give of myself, without loss. To give with exponential gain in return; that is the investment that I need now.

Yeah.

9 comments:

Jay said...

Maybe you can get a sweet deal on a two-story bungalow in the afterlife. Word is that the market has tanked up there as well.

Jay said...

Satan, oscillate my metallic sonatas.

Chris said...

You need a hobbie. Try stalking your new neighbors. I hear its quite engrossing. Takes your mind of things.

Julie Schuler said...

Your post reminds me of when I was young and had plans to live off the grid and build exactly the sort of living space I needed. I didn't want to admit extraneous things into my life, and felt like every addition should be carefully weighed and considered. Now I have a house stuffed to the rafters with stuff I never bought or asked for. It's all, "oh, you have that big attic/basement, why don't you just keep it?!"

Christielli said...

Whoa, it's getting pretty existential around these parts. ;)

Chandra said...

Apartment/dwelling renting is nice because in a sense you can leave at any time but also feels like you are paying towards something you are never going to own. Getting married and buying a house/condo seemed a lot smarter in our minds!

This recession thing is odd to me, things that you would think would go down seem to be going up, and then the rest is all wonky. But from the sounds of things we aren't getting the job loss like you are in the States :S

p.s do you have access to my blog? Yes I know I went all Hollywood and privatized!

The Grunt said...

Jay~ I was just hoping for a celestial unibomber style shack. Tattarrattat!

Chris~ I'm installing the surveillance cameras in the other side as we speak.

Julie~ You just made me sound young. Thanks!

Christiellli~ It happens.

Chandra~ Yes, you did send me an invite. Was somebody stalking you?

Logophile said...

Does this mean you don't want to be my boytoy?

Dang it!
Oh well, I can't afford the upkeep anyway.
I thin I need some lasagna now

The Grunt said...

Logo~ I think we both need some lasagna.