Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Giblet gravy

Scientists need to find a way to harness the power of dog farts. This would end the energy crisis.

I asked a hypothetical question of some of my friends recently. The question was, "If clown tears cured cancer what would be the best way of collecting them?" Here were some of their answers:
  • Run over their floppy shoes with those little cars of theirs.
  • Onion goggles.
  • Torture.
  • Hide their liquor.
  • Tell them that they are a chicken and if they don't start producing eggs that you will start taking off toes one by one with a pair of bolt cutters.
I want to hear your suggestions.

I think everyone on my mom's side of the family has found me on Facebook. I guess my dad's side of the family is too busy getting drunk and hitting each other. I'm just happy that only one of my relatives knows about this blog.

Whatever happened to nun chucks?

I often think about the Hamburglar's motivations for stealing all those hamburgers. I don't see how he can eat them all himself. I think he is in love with Wimpy and is trying to win over his heart.

Have you ever been someone's PDA?

When you have erotic dreams involving people at work do you find it hard to look them in the eye the next day? I do.

You haven't lived until you've seen a cow eat an orange.

Squirrels are dreaming about nuts right now.

Dogs are dreaming about smelling bad things right now.

Cats are dreaming about how they are going to ignore you tomorrow.

Cow's are dreaming about winning a speed boat race and saying "Moo!" at random things.

What do you dream about?

11 comments:

The Grunt said...

Wow, Grunt! You are so awesome.

Jay said...

I agree with the guy above me, even if his screen name is hardly original.

Chris said...

I had a pair of nun chucks when I was a kid and I swear that they were responsible for more head and facial injuries to me than any opponent of Mike Tyson sustained after 3 rounds.

Christielli said...

My cat never ignores me. I know that she dreams about scratching her nails on the bathtub, which is her hobby.

Did you know that the methane produced by cow farts contributes to the greenhouse effect? That's a fun science teacher fact! So yeah, I'm unsure about the sustainability of your dog fart idea.

Tys on Ice said...

if dog fart is the answer to our energy crisis, then every dog has his day will never be used in the same context...ever.

The Grunt said...

Grunt~ I want to have your babies.

Jay~ I can't argue with that. BTW, my first screen name was going to be Darrel.

Chris~ I know exactly what you mean. I had a pair in my possession for a time and I about damn near rearranged my face on more than one occasion.

Christielli~ Your cat scratches the bathtub? You should attach scrubbing pads to Rilo's feet and then you'd never have to clean the tub again. As far as the subject of the power of farts, dog farts are the smelliest of all. That's all I'm saying:D

Tys~ I'll be investing in gas masks and air freshener if that day comes!

vera said...

My dreams are psychadelic-crazy-reminiscent-luminous-funny-scary-recurring-weirdly-profound-yet-bizarrely-random-mixes of yummy subconscious brain candy!
Rawr.
/Vera

Chandra said...

I think it's awesome that you trust a family member enough to have access to your blog and even your facebook "life."
I can relate totally to the dad side of the family.

What do I dream about....
I will write a post about it!

KuPu said...

Haha, oh Grunty my pal, I think you are either sitting on the toilet WAY too long or you just aren't getting out enough now a days. I think you're thinking just a wee too much lately! But I sure do enjoy it! Keep it up! You made me laugh out loud here! And I do agree with you, YOU ARE AWESOME! I'd share my dreams, but I can't. You'll have to meet me first...they're Super Crazy and insane! I'd show you if I could! lol!

The Grunt said...

Vera~ Mine too! Dreams are the best.

Chandra~ I can't wait to read that post. Anyway, one of my cousin's knows about this blog because he was the one that said that I should start a blog in the first place. He is cool and understands my bent.

KuPu~ I'm still trying to figure out if I have known you before this current incarnation. Give me a hint, perhaps?

Karyn said...

I have a whole blog devoted to my dreams. They are wacky, complicated, technicolor weirdness.

Particularly, I liked the chicken / egg laying scenario. Because I effing hate clowns, they give me the collywobbles.