I'm taking on two subjects for today's TIGF!!! Well, today I am mostly complaining. These two things are both TIGF!!! in the most super bad way. Let's begin.
The "Tap Out" shirt has become the "Wolf Shirt" of the '00s. Read my awesome TIGF!!! post on Wolf Shirts here. Tap Out shirts are now all the rage with a few people who could beat you up, and 99% who can't. The thing that puts these guys over the top is when they dawn their Tap Out shirts. It's like Superman's cape. All of your foes tremble before you and all you have to do to burst their nads is flex your guns to the sides like you are ready to dance, because you, mister, are now officially a board-certified ass kicker.
I once had an encounter with such a dude at a bus stop while I was doing some repairs at my work. He, an ordinary dude, was sporting a Tap Out shirt and was talking shit to every one around him. Why? Because he could. See, he saw on the TV big men wrestling each other almost bare-ass naked, roughing each other up--kind of like those anonymous rest stop sexual encounters that are all the rage these days. Yeah, those guys wear Tap Out "beat your face in" underwear. Now, if such power lies in a logo, surely the power is transferable and available at your nearest Walmart. At least, this guy seemed to think his shirt made him tough.
Anyways, I confronted this Tap Out shirt wearing superman and asked him to cool it. His response was not surprising, "I'll fuckin' cool you, fucker". As a man that is nearly six foot and 220 pounds, I trembled before this skinny-assed anglogangsta. But, I had to test his metal a bit further by asking him, "So, are you going to cool me, or is your shirt going to do it for you?" What happened next was totally unexpected, yup! This guy stormed off in a fit, yelling a string of obscenities as he walked away from me. I was relieved, because I knew that if he did not turn the other cheek, his magic shirt would have unleashed a whole industrial-sized drum of kick ass on me. This was not my day to rue. I feel blessed by Jesus, Rockstar, and by the makers of Slim Jims meat products, because that is where my magic powers come from.
The next subject will be short but sweet: The courtesy wave of near death. I can hear you asking me, "Pray tell me, what is this this thing that you speak of?" It is that wave you get after some dumbass has nearly taken your life with their vehicle and then tries to say that everything is alright by waving at you, like they're saying "Oops, my bad! Sorry I almost killed you. Can we still be friends? M'kay, bye. I'm going to scare the shit outta someone else now. Toodles!" Yeah, that is totally going to erase the terror of almost going through a life altering accident, or gruesome death. If you didn't have a "Support Our Troops" ribbon on your vehicle, I was totally going to flip you off. Dipshits.
4 years ago