Thursday, August 07, 2008

TIGF!!! (That's Incredibly Gay Friday): Tap Out shirts and the "Courtesy Wave" of near death

I'm taking on two subjects for today's TIGF!!! Well, today I am mostly complaining. These two things are both TIGF!!! in the most super bad way. Let's begin.

The "Tap Out" shirt has become the "Wolf Shirt" of the '00s. Read my awesome TIGF!!! post on Wolf Shirts here. Tap Out shirts are now all the rage with a few people who could beat you up, and 99% who can't. The thing that puts these guys over the top is when they dawn their Tap Out shirts. It's like Superman's cape. All of your foes tremble before you and all you have to do to burst their nads is flex your guns to the sides like you are ready to dance, because you, mister, are now officially a board-certified ass kicker.

I once had an encounter with such a dude at a bus stop while I was doing some repairs at my work. He, an ordinary dude, was sporting a Tap Out shirt and was talking shit to every one around him. Why? Because he could. See, he saw on the TV big men wrestling each other almost bare-ass naked, roughing each other up--kind of like those anonymous rest stop sexual encounters that are all the rage these days. Yeah, those guys wear Tap Out "beat your face in" underwear. Now, if such power lies in a logo, surely the power is transferable and available at your nearest Walmart. At least, this guy seemed to think his shirt made him tough.

Anyways, I confronted this Tap Out shirt wearing superman and asked him to cool it. His response was not surprising, "I'll fuckin' cool you, fucker". As a man that is nearly six foot and 220 pounds, I trembled before this skinny-assed anglogangsta. But, I had to test his metal a bit further by asking him, "So, are you going to cool me, or is your shirt going to do it for you?" What happened next was totally unexpected, yup! This guy stormed off in a fit, yelling a string of obscenities as he walked away from me. I was relieved, because I knew that if he did not turn the other cheek, his magic shirt would have unleashed a whole industrial-sized drum of kick ass on me. This was not my day to rue. I feel blessed by Jesus, Rockstar, and by the makers of Slim Jims meat products, because that is where my magic powers come from.

The next subject will be short but sweet: The courtesy wave of near death. I can hear you asking me, "Pray tell me, what is this this thing that you speak of?" It is that wave you get after some dumbass has nearly taken your life with their vehicle and then tries to say that everything is alright by waving at you, like they're saying "Oops, my bad! Sorry I almost killed you. Can we still be friends? M'kay, bye. I'm going to scare the shit outta someone else now. Toodles!" Yeah, that is totally going to erase the terror of almost going through a life altering accident, or gruesome death. If you didn't have a "Support Our Troops" ribbon on your vehicle, I was totally going to flip you off. Dipshits.


Julie Schuler said...

I've never seen those shirts, or at least I've never noticed. I will beware of them if they start coming around here. I hope your weekend will be less harrowing.

NYD said...

I am trying to think of something snappy to say, but I can imagine both scenes vivdly. Was the driver on a cell? Was Mr tshirt high or just plain uneducated?

Hurry up and finish your project. you'll feel better once you're strummin your baby.

Queue_t said...

I have seen tons of those shirts and didn't " get " it until now- do you think this is western mentality? as in western states ( colorado, utah)

well at least he didn't try to woopass on you!

boy do I ever get the courtesy wave too, I laughed out loud, but know that stomach dropping moment when you think I am going to bite the big one here- I have to cross a very busy intersection at the end of the day with the rudest drivers I have ever encountered, I have on ocasion reached out and banged a hood, because I am the pedestrian and they are in a big SUV!

The Grunt said...

Julie~ You are lucky, then. I hope to be spared idiot drivers this weekend, but I don't want to stay home.

NYD~ The driver was in a parking lot and cutting through sections of stalls instead of going up and down the aisles. The bus stop is across from the county courthouse, which is across the street from where I work. That means that we get plenty of low lifes waiting for the bus. This guy had problem written all over him and he was looking to get on people's nerves. I've had to deal with plenty of his kind. I wouldn't have stepped in if he would have kept to himself, but he was making the rest of the people feel uncomfortable. I wish the real exchange was as comical as I made it seem. The truth was that it was ugly and I really wanted to deck him. The thing is that if I did hit him I would only have made my day worse. Besides, I'm a lover, not a fighter.

QT~ Ooh, I hate that too. I almost got ran over yesterday crossing the street and the guy got mad at me like I can't walk across a cross walk!

Christielli said...

LOL About the wave. It's 10 times worse when they actually hit you with your car when you're a pedestrian. This happened to me last year when I was in BC and I was so mad! Luckily, I was not hurt, but I was so shaken up.

Maybe if I'd been wearing a Tap Out shirt, they wouldn't have messed with me. ;)

Outdoorsy Girl said...

I am no stranger to UFC as some of my guy friends are really into that. Thank God none of them wear the shirts! Unfortunate for them though, I can't help but ruin the fights with my many uncontrollable fits of laughter over the positions they get into. Gay indeed!

Living outside of the Atl. makes me all too familiar with the oops-sorry-I-almost-killed-you-but-have-a-good-day! wave. What pisses me off more than the wave is the SMILE. Not only do they seek forgiveness for your near-death experience, but they want you to find humor in it as well.

The Grunt said...

Christielli~ If I got you a Tap Out shirt would you wear it?

O-Girl~ Atlanta's traffic problems are scary.

Tys on Ice said...

my favorite is NO FEAR with those Samurai Jack type eyes below...always did wonder if the people that wears it will be okay if they see me walk upto them in a dark alley...