Sunday, August 31, 2008

Door to door vacuum salesman for Jebus

I am 21 years old in this picture. I was always near risking a dishonorable release when I got around the blond, Tanya, in the middle. I'm still good friends with this family. This was taken in my last flat, located in Bradford.
(The "Donny Gang" Doncaster, England. I'm second from the left, @ 20 yrs. Nationalities are as follows, L to R: German, U.S., U.S., U.S., Portugese, Finnish, Canadian, and the good looking bloke in the front, "Ades" is a Limey. I worked as partners with the Finn and the Portugese guys, but mostly had Brit partners.)
There was a time in my life, a very different time, where I lived in another country. I traveled around Northeast England "selling" door to door. It was life changing. It was spirit lifting and crushing. It was awesome and I'll never experience anything like it again. This is probably good because spending years of my life going door to door ten hours a day, six days a week with a seventh day of five hours, trying to get people to use "Jebus brand Hoovers" was, needles to say, extremely hard and not an old man's game. I have been thinking about my level of faith then as compared to now lately.

Why do I shroud this part of my life in mystery? For my own amusement, really. It's fun to think that I was selling Hoovers for Jesus, or as Homer J. Simpson would say, "Jebus". I still can't wrap my head around it--the experience. I feel like I was disembodied for a time and an alternate "me" took up this life in th UK and had all these adventures. Going back to faith, I think my faith is more realistic now as compared to then. Back then I was looking for that 12-year-old girl with the spinning head and pea soup projectile vomit to take on. I wanted to literally confront the devil and somehow beat him. Now, I just want to live a good life and hope that I am not way off the mark when I meet my fate.

Moving on to other things, there are certain aspects of life that I will never have figured out. The main thing would be women. Having said that, I don't know that I care to figure women out. I think that's why I am attracted to them. I like mysteries. However, they have to be good mysteries in order for me to buy the book or check them out of the library.

There's this face that I see in my dreams. I use this face in ways that are not good for me, I think. What I do is superimpose this face onto women. I try to turn women into this woman in my dreams. This isn't the "woman of my dreams". Rather, this is a woman that talks to me if she has known me my whole existence. She never wavers in her appearance. My heart aches for the joy I get to feel when she sits down and listens to me. I swear it is the Lady Madonna. I'm not Catholic, so what gives? It seems impossible for me to materialize her into a sketch. I see elements of her in many women, but never enough for there to be a match. It doesn't make me dissatisfied with women; rather, I latch onto that one thing in common and proceed to fabricate the rest. It isn't fair. I will stop. I know what I just said is pretty weird, but I needed to tell you all about it.

Walks in the rain are cliché, but are nice nonetheless.

That's it. Happy Labor Day! Imma gonna catcha me a fish!!!!

10 comments:

NYD said...

I have a picture of what a woman looks like too. Yet the real ones seem to demystify it and force me to look at them in a different way.

Hope you land a big one.

Christielli said...

Very interesting post, dude. It's cool hearing about that part of your life. And I like how the post just randomly wanders over to the mysteries of women.

Christielli said...

p.s. Jebus is one of the funniest Simpsons-coined terms ever. I dunno if you know its background, but I understand that it comes from a contest among writers to come up with the stupidest possible thing that Homer could say, and him not correctly remembering Jesus' name won. Too freakin' funny.

Jules said...

I love the pics of you, I picked you out right away in both... does that mean I study YOUR face too much? LOL

The Grunt said...

NYD~ That's a good way to look at it. I think it is my mind taking bits and pieces of women and trying to make sense of them.

Christielli~ Yeah, I debated how much I wanted to talk about that part of my life. I'm glad you enjoyed the needle's point worth that I shared. And as you are well aware of my love of all things Simpson's, you knew that I would get all fan boy geeky at that tidbit of information. Thanks! Praise Jebus!

Jules~ Well, I hope it wasn't too hard in the first photo, lol! I don't mind that you study my face. It is always important to study the classics;)

Keshi said...

u r too cute in any pic Grunty!!

btw come n collect ur award in my blog :)

Keshi.

Julie Schuler said...

What a foreign idea, to me, having had a free range, non-religious upbringing. I adore religious themes in art and literature, and early american gospel music is awesome. I can see how trying to realize a grand motif in the narrative of your life is an attractive idea, but I can never settle on one grand motif. I settle for a string of odd, kafka-esque stage plays.

NYD said...

Hey Grunt, The Anonymous Boxer sent you some love. You can pick up the link to her house at my place.

Just how difficult is it to go abroad as a missionary?
Were you a missionary?
We got a lot of Mormons here in my town and they work hard at speading the word.

The Grunt said...

Keshi~ Aw shux!

Julie~ Kafka-esque is good. I view that period of my life as the beginning. Who knows where I will end up.

NYD~ Cool! I need all the love I can get. And in answer to your question, I was a missionary. It was grueling. I've got a million stories that I can't even believed happened to me. I got the shit beat out of me several times. I got mugged, spat on, rocks thrown at me, dogs sicked on me, naked ladies wanting to climb in my suitcase and go to America with me. All in all, good times. It should have turned me into a gospel superstar. Instead I waste all my blessings I gained writing this smart ass blog of mine:D

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