Sunday, August 17, 2008

Yeah, he's my role model

Except I want to be called, "The Velvet Ice Cream Man".

This weekend post was going to be deep but I can't bring myself to it. I've been getting a lot of people bringing up my next PET scan and checkup. This week has been a hard week on my entire being. I don't know where to start really. Well, it started with a dream I had. The dream involved faces that brought me to my knees emotionally and left me feeling alone and wanting when I awoke. I've been fighting off a depression and taking measures to stop myself from letting certain feelings gain inertia because there is nothing I can do about them. Some of those feelings would go nowhere for me anyway. There's nothing like the sensation of global impotence to turn you against yourself. The want hurts bad, but it keeps you going despite its danger.

I'd like to think that I'm a good guy. I fixed this sing-a-long cassette recorder for this lady's granddaughter and it involved replacing an obsolete semiconductor to control the cassette motor's speed. This was a lot of time and effort on my part to find out what was wrong and then track down the manufacturer of this chip and then locate a vendor that would sell me one. I found one but had to order a bunch of other things in order to meet their minimum sales requirements. This means that I ordered a ton of integrated circuits that I knew I could resale for a profit, or at least break even. This was all so a little girl could sing along to her favorite tapes. Well, I got a gift certificate for Macaroni Grill out of it. And you know what you can always count on when you are all alone in life? Free hand jobs on demand! Seriously though, this little victory has kept me from hitting bottom this week.

Do you ever feel like you have the label "DISCARD AFTER USE" on your forehead? Or maybe you have a "For Rent" sign hanging around your neck. I have surely felt like a rental unit many times in my life. I wonder what signs I have unconsciously hung, or have let others hang around my neck. I would like to hang a "Go fuck yourself!" sign on my neck right now. Don't take it personally, or let it go to your head. It's not like you are that important to me that I'm gonna go outta my way to kick you in your fun glands. I thought I was doing a dude a service tonight by yelling at him to turn his lights on his penis enlargement device. It was 11:30 pm and I nearly ran into him pulling on the road. I couldn't see this waste of ejaculate. At the light I kept shouting at him to turn his lights on. He didn't get it and thought I was looking for a fight. The butt fuck just about climbed out of his dick mobile to "get" me. That is when his bright girl friend said, "You don't have your lights on." So, for my community service, this guy followed right behind me in a threatening manner with his brights on to let me know that he isn't a professional dipshit. He's only in the pioneer league, apparently. Where are the police when the menace of stupidity prowls the night?

Anyway, I thought it would be a great night to watch nothing on TV and create a bowel obstruction for myself out of Oreo cookies. You know, I'm a total package.

Goodnight, friends.


Anonymous said...

I'm sorry that it's been a not so hot week for you. I feel your pain! And if I happen to see a truck with a pair of those plastic balls hanging from the rear bumper, I'll make sure to kick 'em right in the veiny ones.

That's OK if you want to hang a sign around your neck, as long as there is a disclaimer in small print that says "everyone except megatropolis". Xoxo

The Grunt said...

I've calmed down some. I'm taking your name off of the list, Meggypoo;)

NYD said...

I have a "fuck you" t- shirt that I occasionally wear under my work clothes. It helps me deal with some of the lunacy that passes for human behavior. Great tool for attitude adjustment.

Fixing that kid's tape player ought to keep you well stocked in the karma bank.

Stay Grunty!

Jay said...

This is akin to my own thoughts of myself as a nondescript black and white product on the generic aisle, whose package says "for single use only."

Outdoorsy Girl said...

Yeah, I wear a sign around my neck, too apparently. I won't say what it says.

Sorry you've had a shitty week. I went through that feeling over the summer.

Hope it gets much, much better. XOXOXO

Julie Schuler said...

I really wish there was something I could do to ensure your health, wealth and happiness. I wouldn't hesitate.

The Grunt said...

NYD~ I need a t-shirt like that.

Jay~ I'm pretty sure that I have no MSG. I could put that on a label and stick it to my forehead.

O-Girl~ Ooh, I know. Your sign says "Survivor".

Julie~ Thanks. I've been calming down a bit. It's mostly people at work who bring this stuff up. I think they are worried about losing me and they should be. It just sucks to have to talk about it.