Tuesday, August 26, 2008

When adversity strikes

There I sat, looking at the brownie that someone had given me. It was now on the floor and the ants had already made their way to it. Somewhere off in the distance I could hear someone say, "Oh, that sucks." One would think that I would start pounding the floor with my fists, raise my arms to the sky and then begin to shout heavenward, "Why God? Why???" No sir, I just carried on like I was unaffected and cleaned up the mess. There are others in this world suffering more than I.

At the moment, there are good blogger friends of mine that are in pain. Karyn is in the hospital, where she is recovering from shattering her ankle. Megatropolis (now a confirmed 3-D friend) had to wash a man out of her hair, recently. Finally, Jay is suffering from a lack of nourishment and is thinking about dancing a sexy jig with some raw onions. I'm sure the rest of you are suffering in some manner (pussies). My point is that I feel your pain. Crap is just a part of life that makes you want to crawl under a rock and die.

Hey, wouldn't it be nice if we could all just fly through life with nary a problem? I think we would have to be God's pets in order for that to be the case. You know what? I would hate to be anybody's pet, because that usually involves being nutuered, and I'm waiting around to find a special woman to do that for me, thank you very much. Being your own entity is a bitch only if you keep yourself out of the cosmos of humanity. If you join that lovely soup you are going to have to accept the fact that shit happens. You do not have to love it or endorse it, but you must accept that bad happens. However, do yourself a favor and skew the odds in favor of delicious oyster crackers in that soup instead of mice droppings. You don't get a clean toilet by adding more shit. You've got to flush that log down to the sewer where it belongs and hit the bowl with some industrial strength cleanser. After the burn of cleansing is over you get a nice, shiny bowl.

We may only get one chance. We may get many. Whatever you do, make sure this chance counts. If anything, the only thing you can count on in this world is shit. Take no comfort in that certainty and keep on looking for better days. Don't have a great day, as my boss would say, make a great day. I'm pretty sure she stole that saying. She does that shit all the time and passes it off as her own. I still love her, though.

I am digging my trench at the moment, readying myself for war. If I am healthy, like I feel I am, then I go on to discover new things. If I have another fight on my hands, then I fight. Believe me, I thought I had no fight left in me not that long ago. My secret wish for some time was that if the cancer hadn't gone away that it would just take me. I'm not saying that to be dramatic. It's just the way I felt. Now, I ask you, wouldn't that be horrible? I am going to fight if I have to because it's worth it. You are worth living for--for me to go through another round of extreme poisoning. It doesn't matter what you are to me, any of you: you are all worth it to me. Most importantly, I am finally recognizing that it is worth it to live for myself. I don't need to accept mediocrity because I fear uncertainty. It's my life and I deserve the best of what I can get or be given.

Boy, I love to ramble.


Diane Mandy said...

Lovely post, Grunt! I've been wondering how long before your next doctor's appointment?

Julie Schuler said...

that's a fine ramble. I wish I could ramble like that.

NYD said...

Amen! Hallebeluja!!

Praise the Grunt!!!

Jay said...

Well said and thoroughly agreed with.

And I'll have you know I refrained from molesting any onions. Though a meatball sandwich may have been violated later that evening.

Anonymous said...

" I don't need to accept mediocrity because I fear uncertainty". That is a great line. I'm not sure if you came up with it yourself, but I'm pretty sure that I'm going to steal it at some time and try to pass it off as my own.

In the scheme of things, even my problems... yes, mine... aren't really that big. But I guess everyone's problems feel big to them. As far as my crap goes, it sucks right now, but I'm pretty sure this too shall pass (preferably sooner than later).

I've come to accept the fact that life can be full of shit, and am just trying to be appreciative of the days when it's not.

Outdoorsy Girl said...

Well said.

Life can be so full of shit that we forget that there is always hope, everything is subject to change, and life, as a whole, is certainly worth fighting for. Friends, family, and yourself...very much worth fighting for.

I have to say that since I have been friends with you, I have adopted your positive, keep fighting attitude. Before, I would often let myself fall into despair and not even fight. That's not the case anymore. I credit you for much of that. :)

Keshi said...

wo wsuch an inspiring post!

** Most importantly, I am finally recognizing that it is worth it to live for myself.

Bravo! Thats all there is to it. We dun hv to live for anything or anyone else. If we start living for ourselves, we hv truly LIVED this life to the fullest.

And if Adversity didnt strike someone, he wudnt know what it is to LIVE.



Christielli said...

Great post dude. :)

Wayne said...

Hey Matt, definitely one of your coolest posts ever. Well said my brotha. You've already dealt with more personal Jesus moments that I can fathom and you are on the cusp of another.

BTW, thanks for dragging my arse up to the waterfalls the other day - very cool. Also, seeing the waterfall you watched me fall down and about kill myself 14 years ago was quite surreal. What a dipshit I was to climb that thing!!

Scott said...

Fucking cool man!

Maht! said...

You are such an inspiration! I want to have your babies!!! Will you make out with me?

The Grunt said...

Diane~ I go in on Sept 2nd for my PET/CT scan and on the 4th I will have labs drawn, full examination, and will have my main two oncologists go over my results. Hopefully, I will be all clear and I can then schedule surgery to have my port-a-cath device removed. If things go the other way, then it is surgery to biopsy the area. Unfortunately, it is not an easy biopsy.

Julie~ Well, I wish I could paint like you. Even?

NYD~ Feelin' Grunty!

Jay~ Well, I think we should have our own parade for that sort of thing--meatball sandwich orientation. I have marinara pride!

Meggypoo~ Sure, you can use it. I need to find out if that saying has ever been used. If not, then I might have to trademark it. Watch out Mr. Covey!

O-Girl~ I thought I just creeped you out. It's good to know that you get something positive out of me.

Keshi~ Well, you know a thing or two about adversity. Hang in there, girl.

Christielli~ The Dude abides. I am seriously going to have to send some USA your way sometime. I'm still grooving to your latest mix CD.

Wäyne~ You've finally done it!!! Welcome to blogger. Jesus moments are a hoot and a holler, I tells ya! I figure it's payback for all those Lucifer™ moments we had back in the day. All hail the mighty demon Kæxeck \m/

Scott~ It is and you are too, my man. I have to keep myself alive in order to make sure that you get to see southern Utah sometime in your life.

Maht~ Why, of course I'll let you have my babies, seeing as how I am you.

Sun Follower said...

what is that saying? something about pain digging the well of happiness? I feel like the ability to go through adversities only increases our ability to rejoice in life itself. And we all experience adversity in various ways to various degrees... Adversity leads to appreciation which leads to gratitude which leads to peace.

my two (or three) cents.


Tys on Ice said...

grunt..dont know if u intended it but u just saved a life...sometime we forget wht being alive is worth becoz we r alive and we take it for granted...sometimes we forget...sometimes we need to be reminded...sometimes we need to to don another shoe...sometimes we need to walk in it...