There I sat, looking at the brownie that someone had given me. It was now on the floor and the ants had already made their way to it. Somewhere off in the distance I could hear someone say, "Oh, that sucks." One would think that I would start pounding the floor with my fists, raise my arms to the sky and then begin to shout heavenward, "Why God? Why???" No sir, I just carried on like I was unaffected and cleaned up the mess. There are others in this world suffering more than I.
At the moment, there are good blogger friends of mine that are in pain. Karyn is in the hospital, where she is recovering from shattering her ankle. Megatropolis (now a confirmed 3-D friend) had to wash a man out of her hair, recently. Finally, Jay is suffering from a lack of nourishment and is thinking about dancing a sexy jig with some raw onions. I'm sure the rest of you are suffering in some manner (pussies). My point is that I feel your pain. Crap is just a part of life that makes you want to crawl under a rock and die.
Hey, wouldn't it be nice if we could all just fly through life with nary a problem? I think we would have to be God's pets in order for that to be the case. You know what? I would hate to be anybody's pet, because that usually involves being nutuered, and I'm waiting around to find a special woman to do that for me, thank you very much. Being your own entity is a bitch only if you keep yourself out of the cosmos of humanity. If you join that lovely soup you are going to have to accept the fact that shit happens. You do not have to love it or endorse it, but you must accept that bad happens. However, do yourself a favor and skew the odds in favor of delicious oyster crackers in that soup instead of mice droppings. You don't get a clean toilet by adding more shit. You've got to flush that log down to the sewer where it belongs and hit the bowl with some industrial strength cleanser. After the burn of cleansing is over you get a nice, shiny bowl.
We may only get one chance. We may get many. Whatever you do, make sure this chance counts. If anything, the only thing you can count on in this world is shit. Take no comfort in that certainty and keep on looking for better days. Don't have a great day, as my boss would say, make a great day. I'm pretty sure she stole that saying. She does that shit all the time and passes it off as her own. I still love her, though.
I am digging my trench at the moment, readying myself for war. If I am healthy, like I feel I am, then I go on to discover new things. If I have another fight on my hands, then I fight. Believe me, I thought I had no fight left in me not that long ago. My secret wish for some time was that if the cancer hadn't gone away that it would just take me. I'm not saying that to be dramatic. It's just the way I felt. Now, I ask you, wouldn't that be horrible? I am going to fight if I have to because it's worth it. You are worth living for--for me to go through another round of extreme poisoning. It doesn't matter what you are to me, any of you: you are all worth it to me. Most importantly, I am finally recognizing that it is worth it to live for myself. I don't need to accept mediocrity because I fear uncertainty. It's my life and I deserve the best of what I can get or be given.
Boy, I love to ramble.
4 years ago