Tuesday, July 15, 2008

An idea for a movie: "The Man With The Haunted Crotch."

It starts off with a video chat between two strangers, a man and a woman. The woman decides to play a bit of a game with the man, asking him if he'd miss her if she died tomorrow. The man doesn't answer the question, instead he throws the question back at her, "What would you do to me if you died?" The woman replies, "I'd haunt your crotch 'till you go insane." She then, conveniently enough, kicks the bucket and promptly starts to go all Amityville Horror on his junk.

This premise alone brings about so many comedic possibilities that it has kept me fairly occupied recently. What exactly would haunting a crotch entail? I'm thinking that I would riff on the movie Ghost a bit and maybe some elements borrowed from All Of Me. Also, why couldn't the spirit of Don Knotts be trapped in some woman's cootch and these two haunted crotches find each other, as well as chat lady and Don Knotts getting along in the process? This has romantic comedy written all over it.

The best part is when the man with the haunted crotch tries to pass on messages from beyond via his tool box to the woman's family, sorta like a cross between Oda Mae Brown and a Snuffleupagus. I hope this isn't scaring you all too much. I actually want your input. What else should I do with this story? Should there be a sassy old black lady, played by Cedric the Entertainer in drag? Or, we could miscast Robert DeNiro as a "crotch whisperer".Who should play the lead roles of "The Man With The Haunted Crotch" and his supernatural tormentor? People, I need input. Help a guy out.

11 comments:

Christielli said...

I honestly don't know what do say here, although you seem to have come up with a lot of good ideas on your own, so ummm, congrats?

Anyway, I could really think of anything to say in response to your post, and then I heard the song at the bottom of your blog and I had to look up what it was, and it's World Party and there's a song by them on the Reality Bites Soundtrack that I really like...

Julie Schuler said...

I'm wondering what kind of EVPs you would get. I hope you would get T.A.P.S. in and wire them up real good.

Jay said...

I do envision a scene in which several scantily clad lost female hikers get covered in ectoplasm.

Crystal said...

i want to play the crotch!

Outdoorsy Girl said...

You are crazy (in a good way). I am can't stop thinking about this now and laughing. I keep filling the roles of the characters with different celebrities.

I think the haunted man should be played by someone ridiculous like Robin Williams and naturally his supernatural tormentor will be someone super hot like Scarlet Johansen.

megatropolis said...

I'm thinking that maybe it even goes in another direction... like a romantic drama. She haunts his crotch, he falls in love with her, and she haunts his crotch forever. Which really would probably be the best relationship EVER! Think about it, a women that no one else can really see, and that isn't in the man's life all that much, except where his crotch is concerned. Yeah, I'm thinking a cross between "Ghost" and "The Lake House".

The Grunt said...

Christielli~ Check your Facebook inbox for my reply:)

Julie~ Did I ever mention that I officially studied paranormal psychology at university? It's true. It wasn't my major or minor, but one of my psych professors offered a course and I kept in close association with him for awhile, going on investigations. There's some real freaky stuff in our world. We just need to open our eyes to see it.

Jay~ That's the version that would pay off my medical bills.

Crystal~ Shotgun! It's all yours. What famous actor's crotch do you want to haunt?

O-girl~ I was thinking that Will Ferrel would be even better. I figure that the woman needs to be both sexy and psycho. Amy Adams would be my pick.

Meggypoo~ I don't know if I dare see The Lake House. I have a reputation to protect. Now if it were with a lady, I could get away with it. But your depiction of the best relationship ever is so spot on it is scary. I could just see a scene where all you see is men using some urinals and our star starts whispering "I love you so much" after having a mutual moment of satisfaction. Oh, and thanks, btw.

Outdoorsy Girl said...

Ooooh yeah! I like your picks better. :)

The Grunt said...

You should see me pick my nose.

Sun Follower said...

The Ghost and Mrs Crotch.


done!

Chandra said...

GHOST AND !!!! SNUFFULUFAGUS.
Must be a Canadian thing... the spelling is different :P