It starts off with a video chat between two strangers, a man and a woman. The woman decides to play a bit of a game with the man, asking him if he'd miss her if she died tomorrow. The man doesn't answer the question, instead he throws the question back at her, "What would you do to me if you died?" The woman replies, "I'd haunt your crotch 'till you go insane." She then, conveniently enough, kicks the bucket and promptly starts to go all Amityville Horror on his junk.
This premise alone brings about so many comedic possibilities that it has kept me fairly occupied recently. What exactly would haunting a crotch entail? I'm thinking that I would riff on the movie Ghost a bit and maybe some elements borrowed from All Of Me. Also, why couldn't the spirit of Don Knotts be trapped in some woman's cootch and these two haunted crotches find each other, as well as chat lady and Don Knotts getting along in the process? This has romantic comedy written all over it.
The best part is when the man with the haunted crotch tries to pass on messages from beyond via his tool box to the woman's family, sorta like a cross between Oda Mae Brown and a Snuffleupagus. I hope this isn't scaring you all too much. I actually want your input. What else should I do with this story? Should there be a sassy old black lady, played by Cedric the Entertainer in drag? Or, we could miscast Robert DeNiro as a "crotch whisperer".Who should play the lead roles of "The Man With The Haunted Crotch" and his supernatural tormentor? People, I need input. Help a guy out.
3 years ago