I am seriously questioning the things I put into my mouth. No, I am not a male prostitute. My income is clearly not reflective of such a high paying profession. No, I am referring to my love of tastes that resemble a diseased foot, such as certain cheeses, pickled items, and foods soaked in brine. When I think about it too much it is as if I desire to lick an armpit clean. Really, I think that is the flavor that I am after. I'm thinking of going all out by sticking the following in a bait box: corned beef, green olives, pickled pigs feet, cocktail onions, feta cheese with the runny juice, Blue Stilton, artichokes, and SPAM jelly. So, here is the scenario: Me with my shirt off, a bait box full of disgusting shit, and a crowded Trax train, eating away while prophesying about how Hanna Montana will give birth to the Anti-Christ.
I was talking to a girl today at work. It was cold in the room. See where this one's going? Well, here I am talking to her, not flirting (she's married), and I happen to get a nice glance of her dirty pillows (they're all gonna laugh at you!) I turn my head for a brief moment and this girl went from wearing a blouse to sporting an anorak. Well, it was a heavy sweater, but you get my drift. She caught me. But I couldn't help it. Men's eyes have powerful boob magnets in them. It's been scientifically proven somewhere; I'm not sure. My point is that if you are a woman and you have any kind of swelling of the chest, even a bee sting, men will check it out, wring their hands in a menacing fashion, and repeat the word "nice" over and over again. I blame Crystal's post for jinxing me today.
I think that is enough for today.