You know what I'm talking about. You open up a damned Valentine card and some shit starts beeping "Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head". Wow! Effing, domo arigato, Mr. Roboto!
There was this kid back in Jr. High that we gave the unfortunate knick name of "Frankenboner" and "Hop-along Martin" to. The reason for the knick name was that he had this cast for his broken leg and he refused to use his crutches, so he looked like he was walking around with the world's biggest hard on. What does this have to do with anything? Well, hang with me a sec, alright?
One day after school my friends and I discovered Martin's secret fort that he and this ten-year-old kid that was his best friend had built. Um, Martin was fourteen at the time. Yeah. Anyway, this fort had the gayest accents, mostly found items like dolls heads and action figures--no porno whatsoever! I mean, what were they circle jerking to, the effing poster of Lion-o of the Thundercats they had hanging up? Getting to the best part, we uncovered a pile of bushes and branches that were concealing something very speshul: a go-cart with streamers and an awesomely gay musical greeting card duct taped to the side. What song did it play, you ask? It played the theme to Rocky.
So, back at the social crucible that is Jr. High, my buddies and I started singing "Ba-na-na...na-na-na" the theme to Rocky every time we saw Martin. He didn't seem to catch on. In fact, it took him quite awhile to figure out that we had infiltrated his little Fortress of Solitude. Boy, when he did figure it out he went on the rampage and tried his best to beat us up, which mainly consisted of him yelling while spitting all over the place while his arms did the windmill of death.
Ah, memories. I wonder what old Martard is up to these days.
3 years ago