Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Suffers from frequent posting and painful yearnination

So, I've come to find out how unprepared my parents are for their future. Fark. Do your children a huge favor and get insured to the hilt, namely, long-term care, or just move to Canada. My sister from Idaho has been away from her family taking care of my mother's needs, stuff that a son should be spared from doing. Debbie has missed her son's birthday this week and I know that it is wearing on her. It is hard to not get wore down in emotion, something a professional would be better prepared to handle.

Anyway, I have been given a chance to get to know my youngest sister (five years my senior) better. We were closer when we were young, until she became a teen, then after that we haven't been that close. So, getting closer to her has been one of the blessings that has come from this experience.

I was going to take a headboard and foot board to the local Deseret Industries (like Goodwill, etc.). These were going to be a project of my mom's but were in the way of accessing the car in the garage in her wheel chair. I thought it would be good to ask her first if it was okay. She thought about it for awhile and said that she still wanted them. So, I am taking them to their storage unit (which I was trying to get them out of $$$). In a way, this was nice to hear because she is still fighting and hopeful that she has some life ahead of her.

I need to reiterate that while my mother's cancer is ultimately incurable, and if nothing was done would kill her in a matter of weeks or so, she hasn't been told by her doctors that there is nothing that can be done. I don't feel that her doctors would try treating her if it were not worth doing so, if there were no chance of her having more quality time of life. I prepare for two things: her journey out of this world and what kind of needs she will have if the doctors are able to pull off a miracle. I know where the odds are stacked, but we still have yet to be told that there is no hope. Today will be her third radiation treatment; these will continue for another week and a half, then the doctors will be able to see where to go from there.

I've been working on what I call "hope goals". What these are is my way of not overwhelming myself with negativity and focusing on one-little hope that will get me through the day. Right now, my hope and positive energy is being focused on the tumor that is effecting my mom's eye sight and oral functioning. I know that if progress is made in this area that she can communicate a bit better, see her surroundings better, and get to eat more substantially. After that, my energy is focused on her tumor that is causing her pain in her lower back and legs. Morphine sulphate helps there as well, I suppose.

Well, thanks for reading. I really haven't been capable of being all that entertaining lately, with all this emotional heavy lifting going on. I had to get a new picture for my security badge because the old one was faded (yeah, I still have a bit part in the working world--a little more than a walk on). The lady said that I looked serious. Yeah, I do....I am.

12 comments:

Jay Ferris said...

Nobody is expecting big laughs from you right now, man. We just want you to take good care of yourself and your family, and give your e-pals a friendly update every now and again! Although we'll also take friendly boob jokes if that's all you feel up to posting.

Megan said...

I'm at such a loss of what to say that can offer any comfort. I can't even imagine what you're going through (or what you and your family have gone through the past 5 or so years). I'm thinking about your mom, you, and your family! Hugs.

rawbean said...

I like the idea of Hope Goals. You are handling yourself very well considering the situation. You and your mother are in my thoughts.

Christielli said...

I agree that Hope Goals are a great idea.

Use your blog to let everything out, man. We're not here to be entertained. We are here to support each other in times of need. You've done it for me, so it's payback time!

Outdoorsy Girl said...

The Hope Goals are awesome. I LOVE that. I think I will set some Hope Goals myself. I've often been told that what you fixate on is what you tend to get.

I agree with your thinking about the doctors not treating her unless they found it worth the effort. The doctors find it to be worth the effort and where there is a worthwhile cause, there is always hope.

Just want you to know how hard I am praying for your mother, you, and your whole family. After what I've experienced this week with my father's cancer and surgery, I can honestly say I understand the toll it takes on everyone.

Sorry, I didn't mean to take over your blog with my comment! Guess that makes me a blog hog! ;)

Take care, my friend.

jason said...

Hi. Just checking in, and hoping you and the fam are all staying strong. I know it must be a struggle to count on anything "religious" in times like this (or heck, even in normal everyday occurrances). I don't really consider myself to be the most observant religious person or anything, but 1 Corinthians 13 is really applicable when times are tough for me. I'm hoping that maybe you might find some comfort in it too. Take care of yourself Grunt.

vera said...

grunto...
i hope you got my text, hun... if you didn't please know i have been thinking about you and your family a lot over the last while... what dumb shitty cards we are sometimes dealt... you are always not far from my thoughts and i am hoping for strength and peace for you and your family... just take care of yourself and just keep doing what you're doing... showing your mom love every day and letting her know you're there...
love from me xxx
/<3 vera

Jules said...

I love your hope goals, and I love your devotion to your mom. She's lucky to have such a great son. I hope you continue to develop that lost bond with your sister too..

xo

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