Sunday, January 16, 2011

Some Advice

Never try to corn your own beef. The cow doesn't like it when you put your corn in there. Leave that sort of thing to the professionals. Besides, I hear that is not the way you make corned beef.

Never trust the man. Which man? The Man!

When your boss brings you into their office and says, "I was debating whether or not Friday was a good day to tell you this...", you are probably about to get laid off or have your hours cut. I recommend that you fake a heart attack and shit on the floor. I should have thought of this sooner.

Whether or not you know this, someone or some people regard you on the same level of a pet. What kind of pet that is depends on your personality. Just hope that pet is not a gold fish, hermit crab, or pet rock. My advice here is to be proactive: wear a collar.

Beware of anyone who has a picture of Ronald Reagan next to their children's photos. They are probably the ones that are looking to downsize shit.


Christielli said...

So much time I've wasted trying to corn my own beef! Why couldn't you have posted this advice earlier! ;)

Sorry about the job thing. :(

rawbean said...

Is the job thing real or are you just being clever?

I love your blog because I never know what I'm going to get.

The Grunt said...

Christielli~ I guess I dropped the ball on this one. It pains me to think of how many "beef corning" related accidents I could have prevented. Thanks regarding the job.

Rawbean~ I'm trying to do both. I am not out of a job. My hours were cut. I do handyman work for a school district office complex. My hours were not approved officially, but my boss (facility manager) has always had me in full time and she was working on securing my status. There was a guy in accounting that felt that I was a liability to the school district that I work for. I don't understand what the liability was, since I was receiving good benefits anyway. I think it was that my benefits were not full and he convinced the superintendent and HR that I would sue them. Just as a side, he and I didn't like each other before this. So, who knows why he went on this crusade, because nobody cared until he made it a problem. Since I still work 30 hrs a week now, I will have plenty of time to look for other work. Needless to say, I feel angry, but I know that things could be worse.

Jules said...

Is The Man related to "That Guy"? cuz I hear he's not to be trusted either.

Sorry to hear about getting your hours cut... :(

Can i see a photo of you in your proactive collar?

jason said...

Your recommendation to fake a heart attack and drop a dook on the floor is pure gold (or brown?). It might make the world a funnier place.

What do you have against hermit crabs? Of course you'll have the occasional one go all Unabomber... most of them lead respectful lives hermitting around the joint.

When I was young, Ronald Reagan evoked pictures of a caring grandfatherly figure. Now he scares me.

Don't let the man keep you down Mr. Grunt.

Jay Ferris said...

I think you're trying to put the corn in the wrong end.