Thursday, January 01, 2009

What I'd do if I won the lottery

I was near the Idaho border on New Year's Eve, searching out old railroad ghost towns and following the grades in the snow, when the urge to go across the border to buy a lotto ticket hit me. I didn't get up there. Burely, the closest real town in Idaho to where I was, was just too far in the kind of weather that started coming in that evening. So, my bro and I turned back instead. The whole way down I thought of the things I would do or get if I had total financial security--no, complete and utter excess and power. Everything went their usual course of taking care of family and friends, then to my immediate financial concerns. But, the thing that surprises me every time that I fantasize like this is that all roads lead to me becoming an evil genius. This isn't something that concerns me; rather, I find it amusing that I need such an outlet. Indeed, it is actually reassuring to me that I at least acknowledge the evil and insecurities in myself and their desire to be expressed. It means that I am human and that I couldn't be the savior of the universe (Flash, ah--ahhhhhh!) That's a lot of pressure off of my shoulders, to tell you the truth.

I'll confess, part of the fantasy involves an evil genius fortress in the icy mountains of Antartica, where I copulate with sexy female drones and plot to rule the world...which then usually devolves into having powers to force mass orgasms at will. My evil weapon of choice is a blow gun, bow and arrow, and the mini cross bow from the movie The Osterman Weekend, all having extravagent asscesories and high-tech doo dads. It's all very campy and probably a tad too revealing.

I am a small man. Pity me.


Logophile said...

Hauer's masterpiece right there.
OK, so, I am suddenly happy that Utah doesn't have a lotto.

Happy New Year, Grunty, I hope its a goodt one, without any tears

Everyone sing along!

Jay said...

I imagine with that kind of coin, your road to evil genius would be curtailed by all the hot ass wanting to hump you for a shot at your wad. Money, that is.

Chris said...

Leave all that active evil crap for the poor folk.

The Grunt said...

Logo~ In all reality, I'd probably be a miserly sort.

Jay~ Well, I should hope that God intends to teach me that lesson the hard way:D

Chris~ Quite.