Tuesday, December 16, 2008

The "Wood of the Day" is Bubinga

I am thinking of getting into the taco cart business. However, I need to come up with a new angle on the industry. I'm thinking of a hybrid of cultures here. The business name: "Taco Schnell". It's Mexican! It's German!! It's Fast!!! I mean, just think of the possibilities of a schnitzel taco topped with spaetzle and gravy or a braut 'n' kraut burrito.

I was at a holiday luncheon that the director of my department at work was putting on. We got to order at this lunch counter where you pick up your own order from them--kind of like having your number called. Well, our whole group had a number. I patiently and politely waited for everyone to get their food before I went to get mine. When I noticed that the only thing left was not what I had ordered, I asked the lady behind the counter if my sandwich would be coming. She told me that one of the gentlemen in my group took off with it. So, I took in this remaining plate of food, went up to the gentleman, in front of our boss, coordinators, and director, and asked him what kind of sandwich he ordered. He said, "I ordered a turkey panini." I then asked him what he was eating. He replied, "Um...". This only made him eat faster. I then persisted, holding up the plate I brought in, "What kind of sandwich is this?" He answered, "Um, that looks like a turkey sandwich. Did you order the same thing that I did?" He was clearly clueless as hell or in total desparation. I then told him, "Nope, this is your sandwich. I ordered the Rueben that you are eating. I was the only one that ordered that kind of sandwich." His response was only this, "Oh, they must have switched them", and he kept on eating. I went over to him and took half of the remaining sandwich and left him half of his sandwich. Shit, he about had a cow fit. Our bosses were really embarrassed by him.

The best part was when the staff were doing nice, informal introductions to the brass, this guy doesn't even say his name, he just starts off, "Um, yeah, I want to get on the training program", which is like asking for a promotion. He doesn't stop putting his foot in his mouth there. He continues talking about himself as, "We like to go hunting, camping, and we go fishing." I about had a anneurism from laughing when the director interjected with, "Uh, who is this "we" that you keep referring to? What is your name?" The guy still didn't say his name and just said, "That's my mom. I'd like more hours, too." He is 44 years old, btw. He is also the same guy that "invented" taping two lengths of pipe together. I don't do the same thing this guy does, in case you think I am also retarded.


NYD said...

I'm not gonna say a damned thing. I'll just sit here and laugh my ass off for the rest of the evening.
Thanks, man. I needed this.

Scott said...

Two pieces of pipe together, man that guys is a true renaissance man.

Anonymous said...

BASTARD! I'm pretty sure I came up with that idea first. It would have been awesome if you two could have dueled it out, using the pipe concoction, for that last half.

Chris said...

There are no retards, only retarded things that people do. Like grabbing a half eaten sandwich from a retard.

The Grunt said...

NYD~ My pleasure!

Scott~ Move over Edison! Am I right?

Meggypoo~ There's still hope for an invention that keeps dogs from eating shit and throwing it up all over the house.

Chris~ Touche! Just so you know, the half that I took was not touched yet and he got half of what he did order. It was a win-win all around and I haven't rubbed his nose in it since. Oh, and he is just plain strange, not retarded. Sort of like a blue collar "Milton".

vera said...

We'll call him "Rueben" from now on...

So yah... this is my exact argument for forced sterilization.