Sunday, December 28, 2008

Things that will not happen to me (or do) in the new year

  • Get married.
  • Slip on a banana peel.
  • Build a mighty zeppelin and race around the globe with a pet monkey as my navigator.
  • Win a life time supply of strawberry jam.
  • Plaster caster of my, uh...moving on.
  • Have cancer come back again.
  • Listen to people gripe about how messed up they are without getting paid $100 an hour for it.
  • Wear mittens while hollering "I'm a pretty girl" in public.
  • Give a shit or pity a fool.
  • Cut my hair and get a job, so to speak.
  • Grow up.
  • Tickle a badger.
  • Wear lederhosen.
  • Play grab ass with the pope.
  • Have lightening strike me down.
  • Dogs will not be able to discover my secrets by using their special powers--you know, that sideways, headcocked look?
  • Write another stupid bulleted list like this one.

10 comments:

megatropolis said...

So you're saying that I now have to start paying to bitch about things? Hmmmm... I think our phone conversations may have just gotten shorter :). SPEAKING of the phone, I tried to call you TWICE the past few days. The first time I got a recording telling me something about not being able to complete a call at that time. The other didn't even ring.... it was like you picked up and were just listening. It was creepy. Yeah, so, call me :)

Jay said...

I'm glad to see that "Starting a bromance with Jay" was absent from your list this year.

Chandra said...

You aren't a fan of the bulleted list. You would HATE my resume than. No job for me!

Hey don't knock the marriage, you totally NEVER know. I could send you some homemade raspberry jam, I bet that might be the weirdest thing you have ever been sent. Or can you send food over the board???

Plaster cast of your "cast" lol... you could always get it pierced instead, equally fun!

George was right getting a haircut and a real job is OVERATED!

I always wondered if anyone has actually really ever done that.... slipped on a banana peel of course... not the plaster thing.

Logophile said...

Oh please, plaster soooo passe!
Try
http://www.createamate.com

With optional vibe feature, woo hoo

May your days be merry and bright

The Grunt said...

Meggypoo~ You will have to pay me, but you will get a friend's discount rate. Besides, since you will be getting hitched soon, you'll not have much to gripe about anymore, right? As for the phone calls, I do not have any record of those calls being missed. I'm really wondering now who might of picked up my phone, lol!

Jay~ If there were to be one it would be like Superbad.

Chandra~ I prefer a random numbered list for my resume.

Logo~ This is so like the time that you tried to get me to buy a Fleshlight.

NYD said...

OK I asm takin the Meme route on this cuz I am way too lazy and it's way to close to the end of the year to think up original shit.

Get married. Been there done that. If you do manage to break this resolution remember that Clyde nor your guitars* ever made you want to commit suicide.

Slip on a banana peel. Always a good idea to toss your banana peels in an efficatious location so as to watch the incredible embarassment of some dumb slob.

Build a mighty zeppelin and race around the globe with a pet monkey as my navigator. Um, OK. I'm with you on that, but if you change your mind let me know. I got dibbs on Co-pilot.

Win a life time supply of strawberry jam. Check yer mailbox. I'm sure that letter from Schmuckers has arrived by now.

Plaster caster of my, uh...moving on. No comment.

Have cancer come back again. Good by and good riddance! Don't ever darken our doorstep again!!

Listen to people gripe about how messed up they are without getting paid $100 an hour for it. Not unless they give you half of what they make.

Wear mittens while hollering "I'm a pretty girl" in public. Depends on the mittens.

Give a shit or pity a fool. Just shit on a fool and kill two boids with one stone.

Cut my hair and get a job, so to speak. I have no hair and I am to freekin old to change jobs.

Grow up. Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never.Never. Whew!

Tickle a badger.
Wear lederhosen.
How about you badger someone wearing lederhosen???

Play grab ass with the pope. or play with his pointy cap.

Have lightening strike me down. If it hasn't already done so than you stand a good chance of it not happening again.

Dogs will not be able to discover my secrets by using their special powers--you know, that sideways, headcocked look?
My wife looks at me that way.....

Write another stupid bulleted list like this one. Until next December, tat is.


* I bought an elctric guitar!!!
Will be posting pics very soon!

Karyn said...

So.....there WON'T be any plaster to look forward to?

Or lederhosen?

Christielli said...

Are you sure about the banana peel??

The Grunt said...

NYD~ I can't wait to see your new guitar! As for the other stuff, you are a wise man/guy.

Karyn~ I will if you will.

Christielli~ Don't jinx me now!

the projectivist said...

hmmmm...
thanks for the heads-up on that sideways look that dogs do.
i always wondered what that was for.

just by saying that you're not getting married in 2009, you've angered the order of the universe.
now it's bound to happen.
don't say i didn't warn you!