I didn't sleep so well last night. There are some images that will never leave my memory, good and bad. The image of Brian's lifeless body drenched in blood will forever be etched in my mind. It was like some kind of sick tape loop playing over and over in my head last night. He never threatened anybody else's life but his own and he didn't seem like he was really going to do it. It just seemed like he was angry about losing control of his life and he wanted people to know that he felt screwed over. I have no idea what was in the police's play book that called for an all out assault. I have never seen anything like what happened that night in my whole life. It was straight out of some kind of hideous war scene or Faces of Death, only it happened in front of my own eyes and not on the screen. I don't know how cops can go home at night and sleep, ever. How can you get used to that stuff?
Why did the police say that he was still alive when it was later confirmed that he was, in fact, dead within a minute of being shot? That's another thing; the scanner that the reporters had going on picked up the police saying that he had shot himself in the chest. Because of the flash bangs, tear gas, and pepper balls, it was hard for us to see the actual shooting--who shot what, not to mention total disbelief. I was confused and horrified along with others who did not have a financial stake in getting a good shot or a juicy story.
I climbed up onto the office complex roof to peer down just moments after the shot. I wasn't supposed to be there, but I got a clear look. Things were pretty goofy. They tazed him. He was already dead. WTF? That's some pretty sick fucking stuff to see people taze a dead man. Now the cops aren't saying shit. The area is now cordoned off by the police. Now they are saying that they are not positive if he shot himself. I heard them say it over the scanner that he did. What are they not sure of? I hope they are forthcomming with their findings. Also, for a guy in condition Delta, they seemed to be a bit on the slow side on hauling him off. I really think the cover up there was to not upset those of us public who were witness to the incident.
Pick anybody in your life that you know. Somebody that you know well enough, but not necesarilly close to you. Now think of this: you will someday witness the exact moment of that person's gruesome death. Man, my head is freaking out going back in time and thinking of what interactions I had with him and never knowing what the cosmos had in store, that I would be there to see his last stand.
I'm doing alright. There's just a sick pit in my stomach over the whole situation. Brian had the power to stop it, I guess. One of the press photographers got a shot of him earlier in the day where he had stepped out of the truck with a gun to his head. His face was absolutely demonic--totally not like him. He seemed like he was outside of his own body. Where is a person when they are in that state of mind and situation? I could see my spirit floating above trying to figure out how to operate my body by remote, but only getting thwarted by some kind of primal override. Or is it a hyper-reality that one goes into...such focus that one becomes so single minded that there is no grounds for negotiation?
Please, no sympathy comments. I am interested in what you have to think about these situations and how the police handle them. Probably the police carried out their policy to the tee and it's just the policy that needs review and fixing. I don't know enough about that, I guess.
Is this forced suicide?
4 years ago