Thursday, January 10, 2008

TIGF!!! (That's Incredibly Gay Friday): Dudes with long chick hair--viewed from the back

This happened to me today. The hospital that I go to for my cancer treatments is located at a major university. Not the one where Julie from the Real World went to. It's the other one that Mormon folk believe is haunted with the ghost of Satan. This is funny because most of the Mormon presidents went to the University of Satan.

Well, I was brought up to hold the University of Satan with the highest regard because my dad went there. My sister went there too. My mother did three quarters at the Celestial School, but we all ignore her when she talks about it.

I went to Ghetto University in a town that used to be known for its high murder rate on 25th street and ample supply of hobos, ghosts, and illegal immigrants, oh, and the Purina dog food mill. That's what options you get when you almost drop out of high school.

Where was I? Oh yeah, I like to eye the crop of college co-eds when I travel to the hospital. It makes me feel younger and very horny. This is an essential therapy for me since chemo robbed me of a normal functioning libido. It's coming back though.

So, today I get all excited because I see some long hair and long legs walking up the street all lady like. I'm there starting to convert from meters to miles in my nether regions all to discover that the front of said hair and lady legs did not agree with my assumptions of femininity.

This is where a man runs the risk of becoming victim of Pavlovian Classical Conditioning. Having a semi hard, or semi soft for you pessimists, and then getting tricked like this is a dangerous pairing of stimuli me thinks. I also think there are malicious men out there who purposely style themselves to toy with regular guys. It is even bad for gay men because they miss out on the opportunity of admiring a great ass only to discover that it was a hot dude.

So, I am putting out request to all of you dudes out there that look like a hot chick from behind: just get a sex change already. Thank you.


Nessa said...

You guys have it so hard or semi-soft.

Chandra said...

Haha there is a hair care commerical like that with a blonde haired biker, I think it's for herbal essence.

Note: it is not the 80's and men do not look good in pony tails or anything longer than hockey hair... even that for some men is pushing it... ALTHOUGH Who's the boss is coming back in reruns!!!! yay!

EBEZP said...

Have a great Weekend Matt

Photogirl said...

omg, too funny! next time, check out the shoes before you pop a half-wood. guaranteed the shoes will reveal the true sex of the long-haired object of your desire ;)

Jules said...

Did you feel ashamed that you got the semi, or were you just relieved to know you could get one again? Told you it would come back!

The Grunt said...

Nessa~ Isn't it just too much?

Chandra~ Does the world really need more Tony Danza? Perhaps. But it damn sure needs more Alisa Milano.

Ebezp~ Thanks mate! So far so good.

Celeste~ That is actually a great tip.

Jules~ Well, I just got a laugh out of the whole deal.

Tys on Ice said...

i hve on several occasions leched at retreating jeans bottoms, deeming it to belong to a ravishing beauty on account of the long curls, only to hve the said object of lust turn around. Where upon my penis shrinks back, like a turtle into its shell and it takes a lot of coaxing to revert it back to its former glory...guys with long hair are the prime cause of penile mental breakdowns...

The Grunt said...

Tys~ LOL, no doubt!