Sunday, November 23, 2008

Hodge without the Podge

I have two ideas for Christian themed restaurants: "Chuck E. Jesus'" and "Macaroni and Jesus". The Chuck E. Jesus would have a robot manger band with a 12 disciple backing choir. The other, well, anything with macaroni in it is good for the soul. Just think, I risk my eternal salvation just to bring you such silly things. I hope you are amused to death.

My truck, Clyde, caught on fire Saturday. I was welding some stress cracks on the firewall when the heat set the paint on the interior on fire. Luckily, I had my brother standing by with a fire extinguisher and a wet towel. We put the fire out before anything was irreparably damaged. It's just that my truck smells like, as Ralph Wiggam would put it, burning. Wheee. I love working on my truck.

After getting a closer look at my truck, I noticed that it was a woman trapped in a man truck body. From now on my truck will be known as "Claudette". Yes, my truck is a sassy black lady. On second thought, I think I will just stick with Clyde.

I haven't cut my hair yet since it started growing back after having chemo. It is getting long. Today, at a local church, I actually had a person ask me if I was trying to prove a point by growing my hair long. I didn't take this in a bad way at all. I just said asked them what kind of hairstyle Jesus would have. I got nothing back from them. Irritating this person made me feel warm inside. It was nice to feel the spirit of the Lord at church.

I'm going to be performing at a Christmas concert that a friend is putting on. I have no idea what in the hell I will be doing because it is a Christmas theme and I don't do that kind of thing. Any time we set on a day to get together and reherse, something comes up with one of us and it never happens. I'm not a big performing type. If I do play, I can't suck. Everything about this is leading to suck because nobody can get their heads out of their asses and come to an agreement on stuff. I'm thinking of just showing up with my biggest amp and turning it up to "ungodly loud" and play my favorite tune: "The Party's Over, Retards". Yeah, it was one of Judy Garland's classics you've never heard of before.

Anybody think that Blueray is going to make real life look too "lo-fi"? I'm sorry, but the digital medium are just Legos compared to real life's molecules. One of the attractive qualities of the old and outdated Technicolor system in film was that the colors tended to bleed into each other. This was something that was flawed, but it had style in its imperfection. Real life is also flawed. Borders and boundries are blurry. There exists more fuzzy softness than crispness. That said, I just saw Hellboy II on Blueray and it was kewl.

I will close this post with one of my favorite lyrics from a rock song: I wish I was your mother.


NYD said...

You will play well. Things won't suck.

Everyone believes in their own way and everytime I think about Mott the Hoople I also think about Mott's apple sauce. Now what would the flock think about that?

Glad that Clyde survived the blaze.

Anonymous said...

I'd totally eat at Chuckie Jesus's... I bet the olive oil would be off the HOOK!

Poor Clyde, or Claudette, whatever. There is nothing worse than a gender confused singed truck.

Christielli said...

Get a haircut you hippy!!!! (Can you identify *that* Simpsons reference?)

Smells like burning. Love it. Isn't there also a Wiggum "tastes like burning" line too?

The Grunt said...

NYD~ I have the same association between Mott the Hoople and Mott's apple sauce. Both are great.

Meggypoo~ Pepperoni and Jesus pizza, anyone?

Christielli~ I'm thinking it was from the company baseball team episode where Burns keeps telling the one pro player to cut of his sideburns, but I am not sure. Ralph didn't say "smells like burning" but I think that he would say that because of the quote you brought up. We need to start a Simpson's fan club or something:D

Diane Mandy said...

Poor Clyde! I've never read a post about a truck catching on fire. Yours, is a first for me!

Scott said...

Clyde is so hot he is on fire!

NYD said...

The good thing about a "Chuck E. Jesus" would be that a pizza pie could feed a roomfull of kids. Not to mention what a large coke would do.

Karyn said...

Real life is also flawed. Borders and boundries are blurry. There exists more fuzzy softness than crispness.

That's beautiful.
And also true.

The Grunt said...

Diane~ Yeah, I'm all about being different and novel, even if it means burning my truck down:D

Scott~ I deserved that line, ha!

NYD~ You are cracking me up, man. Keep 'em coming!

Karyn~ Truth is quite a thing to take in, sometimes.

Jules said...

I haven't seen anything on blu ray yet... I'm scared to for that very reason.

Will you be having someone do little video clips of you at the concert then posting them on here for us to see how well you did?

Tys on Ice said...

actually jesus had an india he has real curly long black oily kashmir he was bald...all in all i think he was way more cooler than some of the retards that worships him...

whtever did happen to technicolor?