GURPOINAWE

I will give the first person who can figure out what the title means a prize.

There was this guy today who wanted to show me his "invention" for clearing out a street gutter drain. It was just two PVC pipe lengths taped together that he used to ram down the drain. I told him that he just found them and that he didn't invent them, "pipes have already been invented, dude, a long freakin' time ago". You would have thought that I had told him that his mother sucks cocks in hell or something. Realizing that this guy's self esteem was so invested in this technological breakthrough of his, I decided to turn things around and give him credit for his genius. This only made things worse and funnier at the same time. He then proceeded to tell more people about his invention and it really hasn't helped his reputation at work. I've decided that I would be the one to name his new invention: "Quinn's Trusty Ramrod". My world is only further enriched by knowing this fur-bearing, halfwit man child.

I have a friend who has a bunch of Canadian cousins that like to make fun of him being American. They say stuff like, imitating his American accent, "Hey, my name is Jason and I'm an American, dude." Apparently, that is hilarious. I love my Canadians, so what I am about to say is only in friendship and good times. How do you get one hundred Canadians out of a swimming pool? You say, "Hey, Canadians! Get out of the pool!" Apparently, that too is hilarious.

Just this Sunday, I was eating some peanut butter cups while laying down on the couch watching TV. After awhile, I go to the terlet. (Like the pronunciation?) When I get done cleaning up shop, I look in the mirror and see a big, brown streak across my cheek and neck. I panicked for a moment thinking that I had just given myself some kind of botched "Dirty Sanchez" and then I remembered the peanut butter cups and figured that I must have had some on my hands and rubbed it on. Besides, I checked it out. It totally did not taste like doodoo feces.

If you didn't vote in the big election, then you are kind of a loser. What are you going to do to make it up to the rest of us? I think brownies would be nice.

Lasers!