I don't have a lot to say, but there is a lot on my mind lately. I have to think about my future in terms of reality and not fantasy/horror genres. I have been working really, seriously hard, but still have no permanent status with the hours that I've been getting. I've had them cut and then given back to me, but from all over the damn place (different departments), to finally getting an ok through till September. Why? Because it turns out that they really, really needed me...but only until the hard work is over. I feel foolish for not thinking of myself more; as in, taking care of my future and my needs. I sometimes get real down on myself for this.
On a somewhat, but not totally related note: There's this feeling I get that people think I'm strange, or that something is wrong with me. I haven't figured myself out completely, but aside from professional things, I think I know myself well enough to understand what I don't like and what is going to lead me to liberation of soul and mind.
The personal views that are developing from dealing with all that my family and I have been through are taking me to better places inside of me and in harmony with the cosmos. These places are helping me heal, overcome self hate, anger, and accept more humanity into my life. These places are also different from before and might be something that will alienate me from those who might not understand why some people just need to do things differently.
I am grown up enough to have respect and no animosity for people who are really trying to do things better for themselves and their kin. If they are getting there by righteous means, then, Godspeed. And that is all I have to say about that. Chocolate?
4 years ago