I'm pretty sure those combination of words in the post's title have never been put together. I just thought I'd share that with you.
Nordic foot hors d'oeuvres.
I went to the dentist the other day. The hygienist was scraping away at my teeth and her stomach started growling really loud. This kept happening and I was having a real hard time keeping it together. I wanted to laugh so hard that it was becoming torture. This really made me wonder what was going through her mind during all of that. I'm just grateful that she didn't fart. It wouldn't be the smell, so much as how I would just completely lose it and run out laughing.
I was listening to the radio while driving around and this commercial starts, "Do you want to please your dog?" I was starting to think that this was a Jiff commercial, then the next line goes, "Well, get him a new water dish for Christmas!" Really? Dogs celebrate Christmas??? This will please him? What if your dog is a bitch? Let's not be sexist here, people. I think all a dog needs is a good master and a decent carpet for butt drag racing. Dog's practice coprophilia for crying out loud! What in the hell do you think their reaction to a new water dish, aside from being able to drink out of it, will be? Maybe I just am not in touch with my inner Barfy. One thing I do know for sure, black labs celebrate Kwanzaa. So be sensitive, folks.
Diagnose agnostic frosting.
I was thinking of sending out wedding announcements of me and myself photoshopped together for time and all eternity. If I were a polygamist, then it would be me, myself, and I. This would most certainly help my social standing around here.
Suffer mother's underpants.
You know what? People in the olden days used to fear gods and try to appease them in order to make their crops grow. They were especially on edge when things were tough, and worshiped their gods with evermore fervor. They would tip-toe around, so as not to piss of the deities. This sounds an awful lot like the workplace, especially now. Just replace the gods with management or whoever your supervisor, or supervisor's supervisor is. That's right, kiddies, worship your Good Old Desk! Thanks for that one, Harry.
Did I just end this post on a bummer? Yeah. Well, how about one more nonsense word combination to cheer you up? Ok.
4 years ago