I never knew that this loss of my sister would be so hard for me. It really takes effort to break out of the grief. I've had some pretty horrible dreams where my parents keep telling me to go find my sister. I tell them that she's dead and they respond that she isn't and that I need to go and find her. When I go and look for her all of the negative aspects of the last few months fill my dream.
The extreme loneliness that comes after the sadness and shock, well, that is something that I never expected to feel. A couple of weeks back I made the mistake of driving by her old apartment building. I looked up at the apartment and saw that it was still empty. I don't know why that messed with me, but it did.
I have had some good things happen. My quarterly checkup with my oncologist was great. I am in good health. I've met some people in the past couple of weeks that freshened my hope a bit. I am forcing myself to play the guitar. Maybe I will write songs again and record, who knows? I guess the old cliche is true: it just takes time.
4 years ago