I can't choose everything that I experience. I can choose how I use my experience.
The funeral was sad, beautiful, and spiritual. My eulogy went well, I am told. I really felt something strong surrounding me as I spoke. Bonnie had a great send off.
Going back to work was hard. Having people ask me how she died brought back bad memories for me. I am starting to feel that her death was suicide, but committed under extreme impairment--most likely an accidental overdose. If she was cognizant of her actions, then she would have left a letter and had some kind of "send off" for herself. She loved her family too much to leave without saying something.
I can hear her call my name out of my sleep, startling me awake.
I feel guilty sometimes for wanting her back.
She shouldn't ever have to go back. She completed her mortality. Now she knows what only an immortal can know.
4 years ago