Wednesday, May 20, 2009

I did get in some R&R last weekend

While on the rescue mission, I did get in some time to check out the local scenery in Steamboat. This was a very short hike and well worth the time to go see.

As for everything else, well, life gets stressful for all of us now and then. We either experience it because something is happening to us or to someone else. I've said this many times, that it isn't because my life is disrupted that I'm freaking out, it is that it is hard to witness someone that you are close to destroy themselves.

I feel for anybody that has had to deal with addiction. I feel, also, for those that have had to help those who were addicts. I am learning that the things that an addict says has to be taken with a grain of salt, even the things that are truly mean spirited. Today I had to read an email from this person that was a full on assault to my character. The months leading up to this day, being involved, I've been fairly stoic and in control. But, this message today broke me down. I was in the shower and without sensing it beforehand, I started sobbing. It just came out. It felt bad. It felt good. I needed it.

This whole week I've felt horrible and have not wanted to get out of bed. I have to keep reminding myself that this person, who is very dear to me, is suffering far worse than I. So, I get up and go to my lousy monkey job, grateful that someday I will be able to know this person again without the distortion of alcohol and pills getting in the way.


Christielli said...

Glad that you got to go on a hike.

I am sorry that you are going through this.

Last week I read a book called "Beautiful Boy" by David Sheff. It's about a father dealing with his son's addictions. I dunno if reading something by someone going through something similar would help you, but if you think it would, it might be a good book to check out.

Logophile said...

Happy Birthday, let's start there.
Have a hug, and then let's do one more 'cuz I need one too.
Sometimes even the stoics need to cry.
Horrible but true.

I believe the touchy-feely thing to say here would be I will pray for you, or light a candle for you, or some such...
I like that idea.
Ok, so here ya go, I'm going to light something on fire for you today.
There may be accelerants involved, and I am going to think of you when I do it.

Outdoorsy Girl said...

Matt,I am sorry that you are having to deal with this hell. What a nightmare. I can't think of anything worse than seeing someone you love destroy themselves this way. It is good that you can realize that the hurtful words aren't really the true thoughts from a person who is messed up. Of course, it doesn't make it any less hurtful to hear. I am willing to bet that you did exactly the right things to help out and it's anger coming from within your loved one being misdirected at you. I'm sorry and here for you if you need it.

Glad that you did get to have a nice little hike, though.Steamboat is a pretty area!

Jay Ferris said...

I guess suggesting you go pound a couple of cold ones is outta line...

Sun Follower said...

Ah, Grunt. I've been there, felt that. It sucks. *hugs*

NYD said...

Getting out of the house and going for a walk is one of the best cures for stress that you can do on your own.

Grunt, my friend, that wave you are riding is a tough one. Keep your balance and equanimity and you'll see it safely to shore.

The Grunt said...

Thanks, everyone:)

Tys on Ice said...

my father went thru it with must have been difficult...iam glad that he still loves me..