By her side

My mother has passed away. Her passing occurred at 12:25 am, Feb. 16, 2011. My brother Mike and I were by her side as she died. The evening was real hard. Her breathing became strained and erratic. That is when I knew that the dying process had started. The struggle and every desperate breath, flinch, and moan was almost too much for me to bear. I am glad that I did not chicken out, however. Witnessing her breathing go into nothing, her body fall into eternal rest, and her complexion become waxen was an experience that I will never forget. As hard as that was to experience, it was special in only the way that one word can describe: merciful.

This post is coming right after having settled affairs with hospice and the mortuary. I think I needed to write this down before I tried to sleep. I'm feeling a kind of spiritual euphoria right now. I think when I wake up tomorrow I will be fairly spent in all respects and heavy with grief. I just wanted to let you all know that I can still feel her. There is spirit. The afterlife is real. There is no void unless we create it within or choose it for ourselves. My mom is in the best place possible. I'm glad that she made it, finally. These last few days were the nastiest, pain-filled days that she'd ever had. She now rests. I love you, mom! I feel like the luckiest son in the whole world to have had you as my mother. I am proud of you for the way you fought through this horrible disease. I will miss you terribly.