Wednesday, February 16, 2011

By her side

My mother has passed away. Her passing occurred at 12:25 am, Feb. 16, 2011. My brother Mike and I were by her side as she died. The evening was real hard. Her breathing became strained and erratic. That is when I knew that the dying process had started. The struggle and every desperate breath, flinch, and moan was almost too much for me to bear. I am glad that I did not chicken out, however. Witnessing her breathing go into nothing, her body fall into eternal rest, and her complexion become waxen was an experience that I will never forget. As hard as that was to experience, it was special in only the way that one word can describe: merciful.

This post is coming right after having settled affairs with hospice and the mortuary. I think I needed to write this down before I tried to sleep. I'm feeling a kind of spiritual euphoria right now. I think when I wake up tomorrow I will be fairly spent in all respects and heavy with grief. I just wanted to let you all know that I can still feel her. There is spirit. The afterlife is real. There is no void unless we create it within or choose it for ourselves. My mom is in the best place possible. I'm glad that she made it, finally. These last few days were the nastiest, pain-filled days that she'd ever had. She now rests. I love you, mom! I feel like the luckiest son in the whole world to have had you as my mother. I am proud of you for the way you fought through this horrible disease. I will miss you terribly.

13 comments:

J. Kwiatkowski said...

I'm sorry for your loss. I am glad she is triumphant this morning over her pain and sickness.

Megan said...

I am sorry for the loss that you and your family are experiencing, but also happy for your mom that the pain and struggles she has been dealing with are over, and now the rest of her REAL life can begin :).

Jay Ferris said...

Damn Grunty. This is both heartbreaking and beautiful. While sad for your loss, I'm really glad you stayed with her until the very end. She was lucky to have the both of you, and to leave this world surrounded by love.

Outdoorsy Girl said...

Very beautiful and moving. I'm so very sorry for the loss your family will be experiencing. I'm happy that even in this stage of grief you can feel that is not the end for her, but a peaceful, pain-free beginning for her spirit. You were indeed lucky to have someone as beautiful as her for your mother and she was, likewise, lucky to have someone as wonderful and caring and BRAVE as her son.

joel said...

Jay sent me here. Wow. I don't know you, but your words are moving. I'm sorry for your loss. Powerful stuff you've said. Thank you for writing it down.

Autumn Storm said...

My deepest condolences

Christielli said...

My deepest condolences.

My Nana died of cancer when I was 19. She battled with it for years, and it was very hard at the end. I can empathize with you when it comes to the spiritual relief that happens when someone you love is finally out of their pain.

Take care during this difficult time.

jason said...

I am sad for your loss, but encouraged that your mom is without pain anymore. It was heartening to read your reflection about it all. Your love for her really came through, and I hope it helped you to write it down. Take care of yourself Grunt. I'll continue to keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

rawbean said...

Wow Grunt, I'm so sorry to read of your mom's passing. I'm glad you were there with her and were able to experience her going to a peaceful place after everything she's been through. I am also deeply touched by your words about being the luckiest son. I think a lot of us feel that way about our mothers and we should express it more often. Thank you for sharing this with us.

vera said...

Grunto...
No words can aptly express my most sincere sympathies that I wish I could share with you at this moment - to you and your family. I do know that you are a truly faithful man and believe she is at peace and restful, and for that, I am grateful for your faith. I will be thinking about you, as always, and please know that in this little part of Canada you are loved and adored. And I know that she was blessed to have you for a son just as much as you were blessed to have her for a mom.
Peace and comfort,
<3 Vera

Jules said...

Continue to be brave Grunty. Continue to feel her presence, keep her with you as long as you need to. You are beautiful for posting this, and for being such an inspiring son to her.

Bless you all..
Love Jules xo

The Grunt said...

Thanks everyone.

tys said...

iam sorry for your loss.