Friday, April 09, 2010

Lactations from the heart

My dad turned 80 on Easter. I gave him a book for his present. The book is titled, "How We Die". Fortunately, he got the joke.

If I were a mad scientist I would like to genetically engineer a few things just for my own personal amusement. I think it would be pretty far out to mix a cat with a rabbit--a "cabbit", if you will. It would have the body and legs of a rabbit with the head, fur, and claws of a cat. The other animal would be a chimpanzee sporting a dog's head, personality, and coat. I think that many women would no longer desire to have offspring if such an abomination were to be conceived. Just think if your Labrador could come up to you and grab your hand while eating a jerky treat like a chimp would eat a banana? I think your ovaries would explode. The weird part for men would be that this creature would not only sniff your crotch or butt as a greeting, but would be holding your testicles or spreading your cheeks as it did so. Creepy.

Face it: Nutella is really just a fancy name for "chocolate nut butter".

That is all for now.

BTW, I had my two-year cancer free milestone today. It was made official with a rather extensive set of tests and exams. I barfed after having lunch because my anxiety level was so high. Lamb curry, Diet Coke, and tiramisu does not taste as good coming out as it does going in. Lunch was between my PET/CT scan, labs, and my physical exam with my oncologist. So, I was still in the dark at that point about my results. I wouldn't have been so wound up if my health didn't get off to a bad start this year with the bout of pneumonia that dogged me for so long. The symptoms were so similar in some ways that I had to really fight hard to keep my sanity in check. So, this big milestone was greeted with trepidation on my part, not knowing for sure if I had relapsed. I didn't: the scans were great and my overall health was good. I do need to work on a few things and my doctor is aware of the amount of physical and emotional strain that I've been through with my grief, so I was given a nice bit of counseling from her. I promised to cry "uncle" if things got too hard for me this time around. Maybe I can start having a life. I think I am allowed.


Julie Schuler said...

Wow! Two years! I guess it goes fast since I'm not the one that had cancer. I couldn't eat that lunch combo on a good day, Grunty.
Go thrive and blossom, like spring, 'n 'at.

Megan said...

Yippy! Not about puking up your lunch, the pneumonia, or the grief. But that's great news about being cancer free! Congrats :)

Christielli said...

Huge congrats on the milestone!

rawbean said...

Congratulations on the milestone that is fantastic news! I hope you have big celebrations planned this weekend.

By the way I have read that book "how we die" or at least part of it (which is my thing). I'm pretty sure it was required for my "death and concepts of afterlife class" I took in my first year of university!

The Grunt said...

Julie~ It does go by fast, but the whole cancer experience includes the time after. The fact that my exams will now only happen twice a year will be a welcome change.

Megan~ It does feel great. Now I just need to get cured of the AIDS. I'm thinking priesthood blessing:D

Christielli~ I'm glad you are happy about it. This milestone barely registered with the people at home. I've got quite the posse:/

Rawbean~ Yeah, I was thinking that the book would be more than just a joke. Good to hear that it comes recommended.

Logophile said...

You are sooooo allowed, in fact, you are encouraged to do so.

Two years, dang. I can't tell you how happy I am that you got the all clear and tossing your cookies over it seems, actually, a rather understated reaction. At least you didn't spew IN the machinery.
Look at you all getting your outdoor hiking groove going with your underarmour cap.
You look pretty badass there, man.

vera said...

grats grunto!!! you're aces...
and i also love the new header.

Outdoorsy Girl said...

YAY!!!! Congrats on that major two year milestone!!!!! Makes me almost as happy as it does you :)

Love your header. Great pic of you!

Jules said...

Happy Anniversary, Grunty... that's totally awesome news!!!

Also, I haven't been here in a little bit, and this is the first time I've seen your totally kick ass new header photo!! I love it! Handsome boy!!

Anything with the concept of nut butter being the main ingredient has to be a good thing, doesn't it?

The Grunt said...

Logo~ I put that pic of me as a way of showing that I am back!

Vera~ You are neato too:)

O-girl~ You need to start blogging again. I'm sure that you've been up to some kind of adventure here and there.

Jules~ Coming from a guy, nut butter is disgusting--har-har! I haven't been called handsome in quite some time. I'll accept the compliment.

Sun Follower said...

I am truly happy to hear the 2-year news. You really are like a bottle of fine wine, my friend.