Post #800 (at my own expense)

This is a momentous post. Too bad I don't have much to say. I was even having these really profound thoughts today. This is why I shouldn't blog when I am really tired.

If you all want to watch a really funny and extremely weird Japanese film from the late seventies, see Hausu (House).

I get no respect from the new lady tenants. They like to have their friends park in my spot. They give me these looks like I'm some kind of weirdo untouchable. And to think that I fixed their washer machine. Screw them! I'm going to unleash a raccoon in their place and hope that it gives them rabies. I'm then going to tell my neighbor's alcoholic 55-year-old son (of whom I'm quite fond of) that they want to play catch with him--he's quite obsessed with baseball, being quite the athlete in his day. The first time that he yells at them for being "too good for him" they'll promptly move out.

I'm convinced that it is me in many cases and not other people. Why else would they have happy lives and I am still just a "curiosity"?

Some days I want to live in the hills, away from people. This thought doesn't last very long because there are still plenty of people that I wouldn't want to be without in my life. I don't care how difficult and unappealing to the masses I become, I'm not ever going "full hermit". I just wish there was a permit that I could get to allow me to legally throw shit at people that annoy me.

It's easier to be left alone, now that my youth and good looks are gone. Seriously, I've done some comparisons to what I looked like three years ago and now. It is depressing. My reward for fighting so valiantly through these recent trials is to look like an overweight hobbit which suffers from gigantism. From now on I am confident that I will no longer be taken for serious consideration as a sexual object or for jury duty. I will now have to open myself up to the fetish community and start wearing flowing robes for comfort purposes.

After you are done with either laughing at me or pitying me, I am going to start getting myself in shape for hiking season. I've located my old Nordic Track skier in the storage unit of the damned and I have already ordered and received the necessary parts to fix it. I'm hoping to at least achieve a level of fitness that will get the old crazy woman at the bus stop to start noticing me.

I believe the term I have used in the past is "flupee" for how I have been feeling lately. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go catch a raccoon.

Peripheral

It's right there peeking around the edge, hiding from you, but keeping tabs. You turn to catch a straight-on look and it vanishes.

I have had some weird days lately.

Quitting

There are things that I am quitting. Most of you probably think that it is this blog. It isn't, although a mercy killing has crossed my mind on occasion. No, not blogging, but I don't feel as prolific as I once did in this area. I can live with this.

I was put on medications the summer after my cancer treatments ended. I was going through severe anxiety and depression because of my doctor's feeling that the cancer had come back. The medications served their purpose. I felt better. I also noticed that other negative aspects of my emotional reality had gone away or had been lessened to a manageable degree. This was great. After awhile, though, I have noticed that some very brilliant parts of me are now burnt of a more hazy luster. My desires and ambitions seem lost. My genius bogged in the peat of chemical regulation. I'm quitting the drugs and seeing what happens next.

Room Smell Bad

A project of mine caught fire in my room today. It is a vacuum tube hi-fi that I started building for my brother a few years ago. It has been tucked away in my closet for some time and I thought it was about time to finish it. Well, I can say this: it isn't working, but it sure is exciting to turn on. I told my brother that I had installed pyrotechnics in the amplifier for the sole purpose of playing our KISS records. He didn't buy it. Oh well, it is still salvageable. I will need to post pictures of it when I get it working.