Thursday, July 09, 2009


Time machines would be great. But there is something that I would do with that technology to make all of our lives kick tits: The "Just In Time" Machine (patent pending). This works great for hitting those historical or personal events that you want to relive, witness, or fuck with the space-time continuum just so you can make sure that your mother-doesn't-marry-someone-better-than-your dad-so-you-can-exist kind of thing, because we all know that you get an awesome Toyota 4x4 truck that you can take your girlfriend to the lake in and you can screw her all night and she won't get pregnant kind of "new" present life. Longest sentence ever! But wait...there's more!!! The Just In Time Machine (patent pending) really shines in future travel. It is perfect for nailing the perfect spots for witnessing natural disasters, accidents, assassinations, celebrity wardrobe malfunctions, and even Jesus Christ himself!

Dogs need to get jobs, buy things, and learn how to drive. It's the only way we can fix this economy.

I went in for my quarterly cancer examination today. Things checked out great with one exception: my hemoglobin is low. I asked my doctor why it was low and she couldn't say. This got me thinking about possible causes. I came to the conclusion, after much thought, that I was raped in the night by the Hemogoblin. I made this deduction from the fact that my ass hurt when I woke up this morning and rose petals were stuffed in my shoes. True story.

Fun Fact: Work is slowly robbing you of your will to live.

Have a good weekend!


NYD said...

A blood sucking succubus. You better start carrying mace in yer dreams too, buddy.

I wish you had left the fun fact out of the post. It sucks just thinking about it.

Megan said...

So when my iron is low, is it because of the vampiron? HA!

Maybe I should start working less so that I lose the will. It would make things oh so less complicated.

Outdoorsy Girl said...

I'd love the new "Just in Time Machine." Awesome!

Christielli said...

LOL At the Hemogoblin! If I had any artistic skills, at all, I'd draw a picture of this new super-villian.

Work? What's that? ;)

Jay Ferris said...

Odd how your fun fact makes me want to jump off of the Space Needle.

rawbean said...

I would go into the future for sure....maybe 100 years if I know, just to see what's going on.

Work is totally doing that to me. Ah boo.

Karyn said...

Rose petals. Stuffed in your shoes.

Glad everything checked out okay - pity about the Hemogoblin.