Friday, October 28, 2005

Thermos Man

A recent event where a fellow blogger related his getting looted by one F'd up Ted, reminded me of a weirdo that hangs out occasionally in front of my place of work: Thermos Man. Thermos Man is schizophrenic. I'm sorry about that, but I have to wonder about his handlers. When I say "handlers" I mean whoever is making sure that he's fed, clothed, cleaned up, and gives him money. He doesn't look like the feral sort that you usually see roaming the local "JESUS SAVES" mission. He looks taken care of and has a bus pass. From what I can tell, he roams a large area--riding the bus all day.

One of his favorite stops is right across the street from a courthouse. He likes to sit, smoking and holding court with his thermos. When I say "holding court" I mean screams at it, makes up with it, accuses it again of something, then screams some more. I usually can't make out anything that makes much sense. It's hard to decipher his unusual blend of English and echolalia. But one time he made perfect sense, and it's chilled me to the bone ever since.

Thermos Man sat on the steps of an office complex. I was watching him from an open window. He flips open the lid to a packet of cigarettes and starts to talk to the ones that remain, "I killed your wife and kids the other day, and now I'm gonna kill you!" He took out the cigarette and lit it up, took a puff, blew out, then let out a stifled laugh of satisfaction. "I smoked you dead, sir. Now, I'm gonna get your brother!"

33 comments:

rjw said...

That's a killer punchline !

The Grunt said...

Ah, glad you liked it. I see this guy around all the time. It's only a matter of time before something bad happens. I just know I won't be the one stupid enough to get between him and his hallucinations.

rjw said...

You never know who some of these people were before they fell. There was guy in my town - a huge, ancient, shambling, traditional tramp-like figure who lived in a barn just out of town. He would come into town and sit on a bench muttering into his long, nicotine-stained beard while drinking endless cans of industrial-strength lager. Everyone knew him. He died a couple of years ago and a relative of his who lived in a nearby town recognised his picture in the paper. It turned out he had been a pioneering nuclear scientist in the 50s and 60s, working all around the world but had just disappeared one day. Missing presumed dead for forty years.

The Grunt said...

Thanks for sharing that. Real life stories like that fascinate me, RJW. There's was a man called "Leatherman"(Jules Bourglay) who roamed between the Conneticut and Hudson rivers, traveled 12 miles a day, 365 miles a month. He only grunted and used gestures. He lived in caves along the route that he travelled on. They called him Leatherman because he wore crudely crafted apparel made of raw leather. He kept this routine from 1862-1888 when he finally died. He used to be quite successful in the leather tanning industry and lost his shirt on leather futures. There's so much more to the story. I can't do it justice.

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