Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Slippery Psyche

I find that my emotions aren't helping me out much lately. There's got to be a switch inside where I can turn them off. You take a few days off from people and whammo, they feel hurt. Hermitsville or homelessness would suit me. I can't continue being inconsistent in my feelings, but it appears that I don't know how to change that right now. Honestly, if I could settle my psyche one way or another, I would. It would make my life a lot easier. The question of whether to advance or retreat becomes another question of how to avoid fracturing my being. Vulnerability takes a backseat to survival, especially when it involves the welfare of dependents. Why can't I just let my hair down and be free? Because, if I did there would be real consequences. That's how you know life has deemed you too old for dreams. Move over, Charlie, and let the young 'uns on by. I at least have this fascinating "relic of times past" role to play; to inspire the occasional starry-eyed dreamer, who just might make it to Xandadu. When you get there send me a postcard. Let me know if the milk of paradise is as good as I've heard. I'll snap out of it. Ok?


Christielli said...

I have to watch out that I don't hermit too often, or it's hard to return to being social again.

Solitude is a double-edge sword.

That's all the depth I've got these days.

The Grunt said...

Yes, solitude is just that. I don't mean to always get so dramatic in posts and I certainly don't factor in that people may take these posts the wrong way, when, in fact, I am free form venting. It is important to have people in your life, but what I am having a hard time with lately is age and being weighed down with things. It effects your psyche and brings out loneliness. Plus, I've been struggling with feeling passed by the next generation. I don't feel old yet, but I am getting older. It scares the shit out of me. I don't want to give up on my dreams, but some days I get feeling pessimistic and blue. This post was a purge for me. I don't know that it was worth barfing all over myself, but I wrote what I felt at this given time, for better or for worse. I will probably write about farts in my next post. Yes, I will write about farts :D