I was feeling rather optimistic at a certain point today. I felt like I might be coming out of a depression. It's been more than that: a dark pit of fear and anxiety, mixed with depression. There were attempts at displays of humor, musing, and sharing music on social media. Trying to play through the pain seemed to be speeding my recovery. Unfortunately, I had over estimated my recovery and tried contacting a friend before I could really deal with it. Before we go any further, let me just say, I am the one at fault. I know you are all gasping because you thought I was perfect. Well, I'm pretty freaking far from perfect. Okay, now that we got that straightened out, I will continue.
What I was trying to get at was that I fell back into that pit of depression/fear/anxiety. I concluded that I needed to stop making an ass of myself and go do nothing in a place where nobody, including me, would be affected or hurt. That's where I found it: an electronic handheld game called "20 Questions". This game asks you a series of questions about a thing that you are thinking and within 20 questions, it tries to figure out what that thing is. Well, I felt pretty awful tonight, so I chose "depression" as my thing that the game would have to find out from my answers to it's questions.
I didn't think it was going to get it, but right after the 20th question, the game got it. The way it celebrated after was a bit dickish, though. It basically said, "I know what you're thinking! I got you beat! It's depression, isn't it?" I answered "yes" and then it did this whole end zone dance, "I AM THE WINNER!!! You thought you could beat me, but I am too smart! Do you want to play again?" No, 20 Questions, I do not want to play again.
If I had a robot, It'd probably sneak into my room later tonight and whisper "loser" into my ear, and then pat me on the head.
4 years ago