Tuesday, November 18, 2014

I am tired but what the hell

I remembered that I have a blog.  It's not that I am too busy to blog.  Well, I am busy enough at certain times and other times I suppose I'm just doing nothing at all.  There's no excuse for me not blogging.  I still love all my blog buddies.  Maybe it is just me feeling lonely on a cold November night, but I felt compelled to reach out to you all once again.  There's nothing cutting edge or thought provoking going on here, just showing a little pulse is all.  I hope all is well. Anyway, let's do this and see where it goes.

I started playing my guitar more.  I mean really playing it and trying to write songs again.  Hell, it's been years since that part of me was alive.  You'd think with all the events and trials I've been through that it would have inspired me.  I need to confess: I've been fairly dead creative wise.  I literally have felt that flame die in me.  It's taken the help of some young musicians to get me even near that horse again.  Damn, it sucks to have to admit that I'm an old man now.  Hell, it may not be that I'm old, but in comparison to these dudes, yeah, old.  At least the let me feel like their cool uncle.  

This interaction in helping these young musicians has helped fill in the void that I've had going on in my soul.  I've been beat down, feeling gutless and heart broken to the point where it was just easier to deny everything and embrace nothing.  Now I'm starting to feel less shitty that way.  My hiking also has a big part to play in that.

I want to try and write something good.  I can't say that what I did before was great, musically, but some of it was at least fun and rewarding.  A good deal of it makes me cringe now, but you have to figure that for every good song you write, there are about a dozen bad ones if you are lucky.  Oftentimes, you are so attached to a bad song because of what you went through to write it--you don't want to let it go.  It makes sense at the time.  Then you give that song to someone else to listen to and see them not get it.  Man, that is a bitch!  You equate the product with your person and your feelings.  I guess I didn't want to go through that process because of the strength of the emotions I've been burying these past years.

I have no ambitions anymore with regards to music, but I want to at least have it be back into my life to where I'm being creative again. I can impart my knowledge of the gear and some of what I learned about recording to these younger guys, and in return they help me feel somewhat relevant and useful.  

That'll do for now.


Julie Kwiatkowski Schuler said...

I am jealous of anyone with any musical ability. If the compulsion to make music is there, I suppose it will come out. There's always something a little bit great about a pathological compulsion to keep at something.

The Grunt said...

I am jealous of people who are natural performers. I also could never paint well, so you should feel a bit of envy coming at you from my direction:)

Jules said...

Well, all jealousies aside, you two, it's important to have some form of self expression that means something to you and makes you feel good. I know what you mean about writing a song that means lots to you but others don't "get". That's me with my song called "Stone". It's about overcoming the hard stuff and recognizing that you can get through anything. Even though others don't get it as much, I still love to sing and play it because it makes me feel good. So do what makes you feel good, Grunty. And you too Julie :)